Out of Phase
by Rel8tivity
Summary: Edward left, leaving Bella brokenhearted.  The werewolf gene missed Jacob, leaving him completely mortal.  What will happen to Bella now that he can no longer protect her?  Canon AU.  Entry in The Canon Tour Contest: New Moon Round.
1. Chapter 1: Distractions

_**A/N**: This was my contest entry to The Canon Tour: New Moon round. It was significantly edited in order to limbo under the maximum word limit. Here you have the director's cut, with no commercial interruptions. Hope you enjoy it!_

_In this story, the werewolf gene has passed Jacob by, leaving him a normal teenager. What will happen now that he can no longer protect Bella?_

_Many, many thanks to my glorious beta, **katmom**, who rocks the words and cures my grammar ills. If you haven't yet, check out her entry to TheCanonTour: New Moon – "**Letters from Esme**". And for a special treat, check out her Canon Tour: Pre-Twilight Winner: "**EAC – The Journal of Edward Cullen**". You won't be sorry!_

_**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters, I'm just playing with them. No copyright infringement is intended._

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><p><span>Chapter 1 - Distractions<span>

Jacob and I stood on a lonely, dirt road surrounded by the green, moist woods. I was astride my small, elderly motorcycle, while Jake steadied the bike, holding the handlebars, and bracing the front wheel against his knee. Though it wasn't very large, it felt pretty big to me, and I had to stand on tiptoe to reach the ground. Idling, the old motorcycle sputtered as it sent a thin stream of exhaust into the chilly air.

"Okay, Bella, just like we practiced. Grab hold of the clutch," Jake directed.

I blew the errant strands of hair out of my mouth, reached out and squeezed the left lever, holding it closed. I could feel the butterflies taking a loop around my stomach, but I was also hopefully eager. This was the culmination of a month's worth of work and Jacob's sweat. If he really knew what I wanted out of it, would he have agreed to help me? What sane person did something stupid and reckless just to hear a voice in their head?

"Now, put it in gear and give it some gas. Don't let go of the clutch!"

The engine's growl increased as I twisted the throttle back with my right hand. I nudged the shifter with my foot and it clicked into place.

"Good. Now I want you to let go of the clutch just a little until – there! Feel it?" The noise of the engine subsided slightly as the clutch began to engage. "Play with it a little; get the idea where it catches."

I flexed my left hand, and felt the nudge of the bike as the clutch engaged and disengaged. I nodded a little nervously. "Okay, Jake. I think I'm ready."

I wasn't sure if I heard right, but there seemed to be a second growl that didn't come from the motorbike, in a voice I hadn't heard since that evening in Port Angeles with Jessica. The corner of my mouth twitched, but Jacob didn't seem to notice – the smile or the sound.

I set my feet more steadily to take the weight of the bike and Jacob let go of the handlebars. Then cautiously, I released the clutch until I felt it catch and the bike began to move forward. Little by little I let it go some more and picked up a little speed, wobbling slightly as I found my balance. Once moving, I let it go completely and bumped and bobbled down the rough dirt road. Still upright, but moving slowly, I gave the throttle more of a twist; the bike obliged with a lurch forward. The bike twitched but stayed upright as we hit the bumps in the road with increasing speed.

_Bella, stop!_ Edward's voice surprised me, shouting close by my head. _Don't do this!_

It was exactly what I had hoped for, but to actually hear it still surprised me. I stomped on the brake pedal, hoping to slow down so I could hear it better. Unfortunately, the bike took offense, and the rear wheel began sliding back and forth until one final, violent swing threw the back end around and launched me from the saddle. As I flew through the air, I belatedly thought a helmet would have been a good idea. That was all that went through my head until I hit the ground with a thump and tumbled, not knowing which way was up.

Briefly stunned, I became aware of a numbing pressure on my chest, as I fought to pull a full breath into my lungs. I gradually realized I was lying on my back with my head on the ground, and the weight on my chest was the motorcycle lying on top of me. As I lay there, I tried to sense how bad it was and a cursory survey told me…this was manageable. I'd had far worse.

One broken leg, two broken ribs, a fractured skull and a gash in my scalp needing ten stitches to close. Bruises and strains all over my body from being thrown into walls, and a crescent-shaped gash on my wrist that healed strangely. My encounter with James had resulted in the worst physical pain I had ever experienced in my life, and considering my extensive history with emergency rooms, that was saying something. It had taken a month of convalescence before I could breathe normally. The fractured skull left me with headaches and dizziness for about the same amount of time, and I had to keep my leg elevated or the throbbing would drive me crazy. Even after two months, my leg was still in a cast when we went to prom.

And yet, that too, was nothing – a scratch. A mere inconvenience compared to the crippling, paralyzing wounds Ed– God, I couldn't even think his name – _he_ had left in his wake. It was all I could do to drag myself out of bed, to endure yet another day without him. Four whole months had passed from which I could recall nothing of significance. The hole in my chest never went away; it only got pushed aside if something necessary needed to be done, and gave me enough energy to trudge through.

"Bella!" Jake's panicked shout brought me back to my present situation. Another motorcycle roared to life and the sound began to draw closer. I raised my hands and tried to push the bike off but I had no strength in my arms.

The sound of the motorbike stopped and suddenly Jake's worried face came into my view. "Bella! Are you okay?"

Although disoriented and winded, I felt rather bemused, because the voice of my angel had come back to me. I gave Jacob a weak nod and a giddy smile, but he didn't seem to be relieved.

"Hang on; I'll get that off you." He moved and got his hands on my bike, grunted and heaved, but to no effect. Shifting his position, I heard him growling in the back of his throat as he strained and slowly lifted the motorbike off. I took a full breath and tried to get up, but a wave of dizziness hit me.

"Whoa." I settled back down as the scenery shifted around me.

"Dizzy?"

"Yeah, give me a second." Jacob helped prop me up to a sitting position, and after a while my head settled back down to normal. I glanced up at him, my smile widening.

"Let's do that again!" The vestiges of _his_ voice still reverberated in my memory, and I was eager to hear him once more.

Jacob's frown deepened, and he gave me that you-must-be-crazy look. "Are you sure? You wiped out pretty good."

"Well, that was my first time. I won't get better if I give up now." I wasn't about to stop now that I'd heard _his_ voice again.

Jake shook his head. "Okay, but remember not to stomp on the rear brake like that. It makes the bike fish-tail. Your front brake is your friend."

"Got it." He helped me to my feet, and together we picked my bike up. While Jake steadied it, I climbed aboard, stood, and kicked the starter several times until it roared to life. The bike seemed unharmed from the spill, and growled in response. Grasping the handlebars, I glanced at Jacob; his enthusiastic grin had returned with my apparent return to normal.

"When you try to stop, take it easy with the brake," he reminded me. "Just like your truck, you don't stomp on it when you want to slow down."

I nodded my assent. Taking a deep breath, I set out again, this time with a little more success. I tried a few more easy runs while Jake watched from the middle of the road. My balance and stability were still shaky, but I was starting to get an idea of what to do. Better yet, Edward's voice came back each time, chiding me for my stupidity and recklessness.

The thrilling feeling of apprehension and adrenaline, combined with the sensation of flying down the road, started to feel good. Following Jacob's instructions, I shifted the bike into a higher gear and the wind began to whip through my hair in earnest.

_Are you __**trying**__ to kill yourself?_ the voice screamed in my ear, still velvet smooth for all the volume.

"Would you care if I did?" I answered a question with a question, but the wind stole my words.

There was a bend in the road where I'd been stopping on my previous tries, but I reached it faster than I expected this time. I yanked on the handlebars to turn the bike and just at that moment, the tire hit a large rock and the front wheel turned sideways.

My launch must have been truly spectacular this time, and I had enough presence of mind to put my arms up over my head as I flew, but that didn't prevent the shock of impact or the blaze of light that exploded behind my eyes.

"Bella!" Jacob's voice seemed to come from far away, and my head felt one size too large. The roar of the bike prefaced Jacob's arrival; he leaned over me, frowning in concern.

"Geez, you're bleeding." Jacob's voice matched his face, and he quickly pulled his jacket and t-shirt off. Folding the shirt, he pressed it against my head and placed my hand on it. "Sorry, this is the cleanest thing I've got. Hold this, and press if you can," he muttered. "Does anywhere else hurt?"

"No, just my head."

"Okay, just lie still, I'm gonna get the truck." He shrugged back into his jacket and stood quickly.

Lying on the moist earth, I heard him get back on his bike, kick it to life and roar back up the road towards my truck.

Jacob was such a good friend. This last month had been almost bearable thanks to him. He had been very surprised to see me when I drove up to his house, the bed of my truck filled with dead motorcycles. I hadn't expected any more than his practical opinion that I turn around and take them to the dump. Instead, he had surpassed my expectations, restored them to working condition and was teaching me how to ride – which I did in my fashion. My reward for my pain was glorious – I heard _his_ velvet voice again. I never thought I could feel such a sense of relief and ease while perched on a roaring, bucking assembly of scrap metal hurtling down a rough dirt road. Although he yelled at me, I didn't care. At least he was talking to me again, without me having to think of all the ways he used to show me that he loved me…

I had to stop thinking like that. It didn't hurt when _he_ came to _me_, but I couldn't think of _him_ without a stab of pain. Jake might already wonder why I always held my arms around my chest, or winced and turned away like I had a nervous tic. He'd been doing his level best to cheer me up, and I wouldn't want him to think I was crazy or something.

The tortured roar of my truck announced Jake's arrival. At the cost of a spinning head, I looked up to see him emerge from the cab with the first aid kit he had thought to bring along.

"Didn't I tell you?" His voice joked but his brow was still furrowed.

"Yeah," I groaned. "It's not _if_ you'll fall, but _when_."

"With you it's absolutely guaranteed," Jacob grumbled as he knelt and took the shirt from me and, holding the back of my head, applied compression. His jacket fell open exposing his bare chest. I screwed my eyes shut, unable to stop comparing the image of another, more mature chest from rising in my mind. Jacob must have taken my response for pain, and apologized.

"I guess your sisters never did anything like this, huh?" I asked.

Jake shrugged. "Too busy doing girly stuff."

Falling silent at that, I wondered what that said about my lack of girlishness. I suppose getting hurt while learning to ride a motorcycle wasn't something that his sisters Rachel or Rebecca might have done. I couldn't imagine them hanging out with Jake in his garage either.

After several minutes, Jake checked my head again, and his frown deepened. He replaced his shirt with a bandage and wrapped it snugly around my head with gauze.

"I think you're going to need some stitches. Can you get up? I gotta get you to emergency."

I tested my head, which didn't swim so much, and nodded. He helped me up to my feet and over to the truck. With a groan, I climbed into the passenger side and he closed the door. Jake came around and climbed behind the wheel, starting the truck.

"I'll get one of the guys to help me get the bikes, later," Jacob told me as the truck started bouncing down the road.

"Thanks, Jake." I meant that. Now that I had found the key to _his_ voice, I wasn't about to give it up.

Jacob turned the heat up in the truck and pulled out onto the paved highway heading back into town. Every so often he would glance at me worriedly.

"How do you feel?" he finally asked.

"S'okay," I mumbled. "Still kinda dizzy."

"We'll be there soon." He pushed the gas pedal down harder, to the complaints of my ancient vehicle.

When we arrived at the emergency room, Jacob stood by while the admissions nurse checked me in, and stayed in the waiting area when they ushered me through the doors and into an examination room. A nurse helped me get out of my dirty clothes and into a hospital gown.

Thankfully, it was Dr. Snow and not Dr. Gerandy who came to examine me. Dr. Gerandy knew Charlie better, and would be more likely to give him a call about my visit to the ER. I fed Dr. Snow a story of losing my footing while hiking with Jake. He glanced at the condition of my clothing and it seemed to make sense to him. He shook his head and advised me to be more careful, checking the response of my pupils with a small flashlight. Then he got to work on my head. Some numbing ointment, and three stitches later, he was done. He handed me a vial of pain medication.

"You may have a slight concussion," he informed me. "If you feel increased dizziness or nausea, have your father bring you back in."

"Thanks, Dr. Snow."

"You're welcome, Bella. You can go now." He lowered his voice to a conspiratorial tone. "Your boyfriend has been in the waiting room all this time."

"Oh. Um, he's not my boyfriend." I felt the blush climb up my face and it made the recently stitched area throb.

"Ah. My mistake," Dr. Snow apologized and left the room so I could change.

The deep look of sympathy that came over Dr. Snow made me wonder. Did everybody in this town know that my…boyfriend had left me? Probably. Just what I needed – to be the subject of more talk. Bad enough that I had more stories circulating about me courtesy of Jessica, after our outing to Port Angeles.

Jacob stood up as I entered the waiting area; he looked more relieved than when I had gone in.

"Hey," I greeted him.

"How do you feel?" His eyes went to the bandage on my head. I considered it a small blessing that the gash was below the hairline, and they hadn't had to cut off any hair to stitch me up.

"All right."

Jacob's face bunched up slightly as he spoke. "Listen, the doctor told me you might have a concussion as well as the cut on your head. Maybe we should cool it with the bike for a while. At least until you heal."

I couldn't keep the disappointment from showing, but I couldn't argue with his logic. As wobbly as I felt, it wasn't going to help staying on top of the bike. At the same time, the sense of dread rose up. It was bad enough to forgo hearing _his_ voice, but all that slack time without anything to distract me? That didn't look to be an appealing way to spend time out of school.

"Do you feel like doing something else?" I was pathetic, hoping that he would have another idea to keep me from myself.

"Sure, what do you feel like?"

I cast about for something else to divert me. Perhaps some other way that would bring me closer to _him_. I'd been to the house, and that trip had been a painful disappointment. It stood, barren and alone, devoid of the spark I thought might have been there. I could only think of one other place that might be touched by his magic…

Jake still waited for a response. I placed a hand on my chin and adopted a speculative air. "There was one place in the National Park I saw once…"

"Where?"

"I'm not sure. It was kind of off the beaten path, so I'm not sure if I'd be able to find it again. But it was really beautiful."

"Was there a trail?"

"No, but I know where the trailhead is. Do you think you could help me find it?" I watched him hopefully. If he wasn't in for it, would I be able to find it by myself? Thankfully, Jacob did not disappoint.

"Hiking? Sure, I'm game."

"Great! Not too long, of course. We've got to get some homework done some time."

"Tomorrow, first thing after school," Jacob agreed.

= O = o = P =

At Jacob's suggestion, I used my employee discount at Newton's Outfitters to purchase a topography map of the park and a pair of hiking boots. He already had a compass, and when I went to his house the next day after school, he spread the map out on the kitchen table.

"How far do you think you went?" he asked, looking for the trailhead I had described.

"He…I think it was about five miles," I said with a slight wince.

Jake was busy with a ruler and a pencil and didn't notice. "And you went to the east?"

"I'm not sure. There was a trail, but I went in the opposite direction, off-trail."

"Hmm," Jacob frowned. "That'll make it this way then. There's a ravine, so I don't think you went through there…" He muttered, then looked up. "How did you find this thing the first time?"

I looked out the kitchen window, hugging myself, not knowing what to say without sounding too pathetic. Finally, I came up with a convenient lie. "I'd gotten lost, and was just trying to find my way when I came across it – the most perfect looking meadow, full of beautiful wildflowers and surrounded by trees. I guess I got lucky when I found my way back out."

Jake snorted. "Yeah, I'll say. With your sense of direction, you should stick to trails."

After packing some water and some snacks in a backpack, we got into Jacob's car and drove to the trailhead. Returning to the small dirt lot brought back a glimmer of memory, and I felt a slight hope that we might find what I was looking for.

"So you didn't take the trail." Jacob jerked his thumb at the trailhead sign.

"Nope. Started that side of the lot." I pointed toward a slight opening in the brush and ferns opposite the trailhead. Jake pulled out the map and consulted his compass for a moment.

"I like a challenge. Okay, let's get going," he said with a grin.

Jacob led, and I followed as best I could. He kept up a friendly commentary on general topics – school, friends, the weather being less rainy than some years he remembered. He waited patiently for me as I toiled along, and I steeled myself against the reminder of making this journey before in a happier time, with someone else. But no voice came to me, so I kept doggedly moving forward.

After about two hours of tramping through cypress and pine forests and sword ferns, Jake said we had gone a little further than five miles on our current search vector (his words) with no sign of the meadow, so it was time to cut across and head back on the return vector (his words again). I tried to hide my disappointment, but he must have noticed because he immediately promised we would try again tomorrow. With a wan smile, I agreed.

Jake would have made a great Boy Scout. Armed with only a map and compass, and no fancy electronic gear, we still came out exactly where we had entered the forest. That gave me some assurance that he knew what he was doing and we might be able to find the meadow.

We made several more forays into the backcountry, with the same results. I think even Jacob's irrepressible cheer was beginning to wear thin because he suggested we might do something else the next day instead of hiking. My blisters were starting to heal, and my muscles were getting accustomed to the daily hiking, so I wasn't too thrilled about stopping. But he was my guide, so if his heart wasn't into it, I didn't want to insist. The next day was Friday anyway, so for a treat, and to thank him for all that he'd done for me so far, I suggested a movie with a few friends. Angela had asked me some days before, and I had originally declined. I recalled one of the movie choices was a comedy, and that was something I could handle. I'd have to see if the invitation was still open.

The next day at lunch with Mike, Angela and Ben, I asked Angela if they were still going to take in a movie after school. She smiled at me and confirmed.

"Of course, I wanted to cheer you up, remember? Do you think you can make it?" I always liked how sincere she was. No fake concern or platitudes ever crossed her lips.

I tried to meet her smile. "If the invitation is still open. And is it okay for another friend to come?"

"Of course. Mike, Ben and Austin might come too." Angela's eyes held a question for me, but she didn't express it. I squeezed her shoulder and answered her.

"It's Jacob Black, an old family friend. You met him at First Beach last March."

Angela nodded but didn't press me any further. I wasn't sure but it seemed Mike frowned for a moment. Hopefully, things wouldn't get too awkward between them.

= O = o = P =

Friday after school, Mrs. Newton was using the family Suburban, so we needed to take two cars. Jacob came from the reservation and picked me up. Mike ended up in Jake's car with me, while Angela and Austen went with Ben. Jacob originally had some music on the radio, but I changed it to a news station.

"Don't like that song?" Mike asked, his eyes teasing.

I glanced out the window at the passing greenery. "Sorry, not in the mood for music," I mumbled. "Hope you don't mind?"

"No problem, whatever you like." The image of a Labrador retriever with a wagging tail came to my mind immediately.

"Bella doesn't like music," Jacob supplied helpfully.

I suppose I had dampened the mood in the car, because we passed the rest of the drive to the theatre like this – a few comments, long silences, not much witty repartee. When we arrived at the theatre, Ben and Austen opted for an action film that promised to have blood and martial arts. Angela decided to stick with Jake and me for the comedy. Mike took a moment before deciding to watch the comedy as well. As we found seats, I maneuvered myself to sit between Angela and Jacob, while Mike settled on Angela's other side.

The movie was a satire on the current zombie movie trend, and while there was some gore, it was presented in a humorous light – slapstick, not graphic. It was distracting enough that even I rolled my eyes a few times at the more corny jokes. But it ended before the action movie did. That left us standing in the lobby, chatting while we waited for Ben and Austen.

Mike sidled over to me, and spoke in a low voice. "Glad you could come out with us, Bella. You look nice."

I ducked my head, embarrassed at the attention in front of Jacob and Angela, especially since I was wearing whatever nondescript stuff I wore day-to-day. "Thanks, Mike," I mumbled.

"Did you like the movie?"

"It was kinda goofy sometimes, but okay."

"You should get out more. It's good for you." And without missing a beat, Mike said, "So, are you busy this weekend?"

I couldn't believe him. Did he ever turn it off? Feeling really uncomfortable, I blurted out way too much. "Well, you know I'm working at the store, and after that I'm going down to Jacob's place to work on homework."

Mike glanced at Jacob, giving him a frank and not very friendly appraisal. "Wait, you're a sophomore, right?"

Jake's eyes flicked at me for a moment, then he improvised. "My dad's been bugging me about my grades. Bella's dad knows mine, so she's been helping me with homework."

"Oh. So…you guys have been hanging out and doing homework?" My eyes narrowed at Mike's tone. It wasn't really any business of his and he almost seemed to be interrogating us.

Jake bristled slightly. "Yeah, and some hiking."

Mike was taller than Jacob by half a head, and he seemed to look down his nose. "Where have you been hiking? Down at the store, we heard some reports of bears that aren't afraid of people."

Jacob shrugged. "In the National Park."

"That's where the bears were spotted. There've been some hikers who had some close calls. Better not get off trail, it'd be a bad time to get lost." Mike seemed to be trying too hard to be ominous.

Before Jacob could get his back up any more, I jumped in. "He's practically a Boy Scout out in the woods. I'd have been totally lost, if not for him."

At the pleased expression on Jake's face, I felt a mixture of emotions. I jumped to his defense because I didn't want Mike to think less of him. But at the same time, I might be perpetuating the effects of that fake flirting I did when he first told me about the Quileute legends. I knew this wasn't right, because I could tell he felt a certain attraction for me. When his friends Quil and Embry teased him about his "girlfriend," Jake had gotten very embarrassed, and maybe overreacted a bit when he jumped on them in retaliation.

It just wasn't the same. He was one of the oldest friends I had here in Forks, but that's all. He would always be Rachel and Rebecca Black's kid brother to me. He was okay looking with the strong brow, kind face and the heavy shock of black hair reaching to his shoulders. But the attraction just wasn't there; he looked like he'd be 140 pounds soaking wet, maybe 150. He was pretty wiry from working with his hands on heavy machinery, but once you'd seen Michelangelo's David come to life…it just wasn't the same.

I felt a little guilty that I couldn't do what was right, and stop hanging onto him like a security blanket. It's just that I felt so fragile these days. He was always happy-go-lucky and didn't seem to mind that I don't say much, allowing him to fill the silences with his random musings. It did cheer me up to be around him, but in the way that having a puppy would.

The action movie ended and Ben and Austen joined us at that point, saving me from more testosterone drama. The group planned to grab a burger but I needed to get home to cook for Charlie. Mike decided to catch a ride with Ben, so Jake took me home. As he pulled up in front of my house, he asked what I wanted to do tomorrow.

"It's Saturday tomorrow, Bells. What do you feel like doing after work? Biking? Hiking? Mad science experiments in the garage?"

My head was back to feeling normal now, but I was determined to find the meadow now that we'd started. "You okay with hiking?"

"Sure." Jake fidgeted with the gear shift for a moment. His sudden question caught me off guard. "Um, do you like that guy?"

"Who, Mike?" I stuttered. "No, he's just a school friend. The group of us hang out at lunch, and I have a class with him."

"Well, he seems to like you, though."

I shrugged. "He's just a friend," I repeated.

"He's right though," Jake continued and brought his gaze up to mine. "It's good for you to get out again. Are you…feeling any better these days?"

I felt I should reassure him so he's wouldn't be concerned. "Yeah, a little bit."

"I mean, you haven't really been out much since…they left."

I squeezed myself tighter at the sudden twinge, and shook my head. "No, I haven't."

"Don't you think you're better off?" Jake didn't seem to notice my distress and continued on. "If it was me, I'd be pissed if somebody just up and left me. You deserve better than that. I mean, who does he think he is?"

I screwed my eyes shut as each comment twisted the knife in deeper. Jake was saying other, unflattering things but I couldn't register them. Finally I couldn't take any more.

"Jake, please stop," I begged. "I can't talk about that, right now."

"Oh. Sorry, Bella." Jake fell uncharacteristically silent, his brows drawn together in concern.

"Um, I should go." I grabbed my backpack and fumbled for the door handle.

"Do you…still want to go look for your meadow tomorrow?" he asked, his face apologetic. "We can give it a rest if you want."

I tried to give him a wan smile, but failed. "I'll be fine. See you tomorrow."

I stumbled my way into the house, and up the stairs. Charlie would be home soon, and I needed to get myself together in time to make dinner. Dropping my backpack in my room, I headed to the bathroom for a quick shower. Leaning my head against the tiles with the hot water raining down, I felt the tension in me ease somewhat.

After the dishes were washed and put away, I bid Charlie goodnight and went upstairs to get ready for bed. Jacob thought that I should be angry. I was no longer too numb to feel anything, so it was possible I could be angry. Hate was the opposite of love, and I didn't think I could feel hate where _he_ was concerned. I wouldn't want to feel hate if it would drive away the love that I felt. But where love existed, so could hate, both being passionate emotions.

I had spent the last several months cuddling my pain to my chest like a puppy, not wanting to let go for fear of losing the memories of the best year I had ever experienced. At the same time, I was continually seared by the emptiness, yearning for something that was so sweet, I welcomed the agony because it reminded me it really must have happened. What would it take to let go? Would I want to be able to let go? It would be healthier to do so. The thought of becoming a wizened old crone, alone and still pining for someone who didn't want me anymore made me shudder. As the tears crept down to soak my pillow, I lay awake longer than usual before I finally fell asleep, and the familiar nightmares descended.

= O = o = P =

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><p>To be continued...<p>

I hope you've enjoyed the uncut version. Please review, I'd like to know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2: Hiking

_**A/N**: If there were no such things as word limits, this is how you would have experienced this story in The Canon Tour. Thanks to everybody for reading!_

_Many thanks and blessings to **katmom**, for her ninja beta skills! Go read her entry to TheCanonTour: New Moon – "Letters from Esme", which I think is a dang sight better than mine! Or check out her Canon Tour: Pre-Twilight Winner: "EAC – The Journal of Edward Cullen". It's gooooood!_

_**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters, I'm just playing with them. No copyright infringement is intended._

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><p><span>Chapter 2 – Hiking<span>

Saturday morning, when Jacob picked me up for our hike, he was rather subdued, and a little more solicitous of me as we started out on our trek. I reassured him that I wasn't mad at him for upsetting me last night. When he didn't perk up, I asked him what was wrong. After some time, he sighed loudly.

"Just some crap going on down at the Rez."

"I guess it's not good crap?" I ventured.

"No." Jake continued walking, then spoke over his shoulder. "Do you remember my buddy, Embry?"

"Sure, the tall, skinny one?"

"Yeah, but he's not so skinny now." Jacob rubbed the back of his neck. When he spoke, it was in a very dejected tone and I wished I could see his face. "He doesn't hang out with me anymore."

His distress made my chest squeeze in sympathy for him. "I'm sorry, Jake. Did he say why?"

"Not really. He just said, 'It's not safe. Sorry.'" Jake threw his hands up and started shouting, his words getting absorbed by the surrounding greenery. "I mean what the hell is that supposed to mean? It's not safe to hang with me, but it's safe to hang out with Sam College-boy Uley?" He swung angrily at some low-hanging branches, and I had to duck as they snapped back.

I hadn't heard about this before, so wasn't sure what I could tell him. "Is something wrong with Sam? Are they doing anything bad?" I asked.

Jake snorted. "Not according to the elders. My sister got all sorts of crap for not going to college when she had a partial scholarship. But when Sam skips college? Nothing. It's like he's God's gift, but all I see is him, Paul and Jared hanging out on the Rez. I don't think he has a job, so why isn't he in school? And now Embry's hanging with them, too."

"Have you talked to Billy about them?"

A short bark of derisive laughter rang out. "He's on the Sam Uley band wagon too! For a while when I turned sixteen, it was creepy. Billy, Sam and Harry started checking up on me, asking how I felt. It was like they were expecting me to sprout another head or something. But they stopped bugging me a little while ago. Shortly after Embry joined Sam's little gang, in fact."

"I'm sorry, Jacob." I didn't know what to make of their behavior. It didn't make sense for the tribal elders to discourage higher education, and allow their young men to loiter around on the Reservation. I was even more bewildered by their surveillance. Jacob was a good kid. Why would they need to keep an eye on him?

"Yeah, so am I." He stopped next to a large rock and pulled the water out of his backpack. "Hang on, water break."

Not knowing what else to do, I chucked him on the shoulder. "At least you've still got Quil."

Jake nodded and handed the bottle to me.

After the break, we continued forward. He seemed to be better after getting his troubles off his chest and started chatting a little more.

We had ruled out six of the eight vectors he had mapped out on his search pattern. The thought must have been on his mind as well, because he asked the question I was thinking.

"If we don't find your meadow, what do you want to do?"

And just like that, intentional or not, he brought back the questions of the night before, and made me face the truth of my situation. What should I do from now on? No matter what I expected to find at the end of our current route, would that even bring them back? Would it bring _him_ back? I could keep chasing after him forever, in whatever form that took, whether in memories or hallucinations. But if he never came back, I would be trapped in this purgatory. One day, I would have to put this behind me. One day, if I could find the strength, maybe I could try.

I stopped walking for a moment, closed my eyes and just let myself feel – the gentle touch of the misty air, the damp forest smells, the bird sounds, all suffused my senses…as well as the empty yearning in my heart and the drive to find him still pushing me onward. No, today would not be the day.

I opened my eyes and Jake was waiting, a curious eyebrow raised. I made an attempt at a reassuring smile. "I have faith in you. I'm sure we'll find it; but if not, at least we tried our best."

"There's always the bikes."

That fallback plan cheered me somewhat, since it had been proven to work. "That's true," I agreed. "You still have to teach me to shift gears and stay on top of the bike."

Jacob snorted his laughter, glanced at his compass and commenced hiking again.

We continued for a while under the cover of the trees, much of the greenery looking the same to me. Suddenly Jacob pushed through some overhanging branches and the sky opened up again.

I recognized the perfectly circular clearing in an instant, and the shock evaporated all the strength from my legs. I stumbled and fell to my hands and knees, but didn't feel the sting. It was all there. The purple and white wildflowers nodded against a brilliant carpet of emerald green grasses across the expanse, shimmering in the light. The majestic trees surrounded the meadow like an amphitheatre. Looking about, I found the spot where we had sat side by side, basking in the rare sunshine. I peered into the trees, and located the one with the missing branch that he had torn off in his display of strength. The broken stub had darkened, and sap had dripped down the trunk like blood. The trunk of the tree he had explosively hurled the branch at was also marked, but the damage had weathered with the passage of time. Some boyfriends carved their initials and those of their sweetheart into the bark of a tree. Mine _destroyed_ trees.

Sitting back, I automatically wrapped my arms around my chest, and felt my face contract with the pain. This was a bad idea, I realized too late. I had hoped I might feel his presence here, some sign that he had existed, in spite of his taking my photos and the gifts from his family. Yet even with the evidence in front of me, proof that there had truly been a _you and me_, it wasn't a happy experience. The stark absence of him, as well as the reminder of what had been, sucked me down like the gravity well of a thousand earths. The hole in my chest had blown wide open, and I had no idea how long I sat there, rocking myself, tears silently coursing down my cheeks.

I gradually became aware of Jacob's hand on my back, his frantic voice asking me what was wrong, and if I was hurt. I couldn't answer him, lost in my silent suffering. Of course, something was wrong, what did you expect? That's what you get for breaking the rules. _It will be as if I never existed_ he had said. So of course, I had to try to prove him wrong, to find proof that he existed. If I had been a good girl and stayed at home I wouldn't be sitting here paralyzed while the agony ripped through me. Even so, part of me still wanted to get up, to run my fingers over the broken tree. It was the closest that I could get to him now.

Suddenly, Jacob stood up straight.

"Hey, Bella, we've got company," he announced, nervously.

I sniffed and ran the back of my sleeve across my eyes before following Jacob's gaze. As my eyes cleared, I saw a male figure. A sudden surge of hope filled me when I saw the disturbing grace with which he moved, and the unearthly beauty of his face. But then I focused more carefully, only to feel my hopes fall to earth as I recognized that face.

"Laurent!" I called, a mixture of disappointment and relief in my voice. Here, at least, was more proof that other world did exist. There was still magic, just not the right kind of magic.

He smiled and spoke in his accented voice. "I thought I recognized you."

Jacob gave me a bewildered look. "You know this guy?"

Too late, I realized that Jacob should not be here. He couldn't know about Laurent and his kind. That sort of disclosure was not allowed, and I had originally intended to take the secret with me to my grave.

"Yeah, sort of," I muttered in an aside to Jacob, then addressed the vampire. "What are you doing here? I thought you went to Alaska."

"Yes, I was there for a time. It was very pleasant."

"Are you looking for…the Cullens?" I managed not to wince outwardly at the mention of their name.

"In a way, yes. But why are you here without them? Weren't they your keepers?"

A velvet smooth voice spoke behind my ear. _Be careful what you tell him_.

The surprise of hearing _his_ voice momentarily stunned me. What was reckless or dangerous about this situation? But I obeyed him and faked a laugh as I got to my feet. "Oh, well, they're just off hunting, you know how that is."

Jake looked at me like I was crazy. "Hunting? But they–"

I elbowed him, but didn't think for a second that Laurent wouldn't see my movement. "They'll be back shortly. If you'll just come back, later, you can talk to them yourself."

Laurent grinned wider. "Actually, I was hunting also."

"It's not hunting season," Jacob said with a confused frown.

I ignored Jake's comment for now. "So are you a vegetarian, too?"

The immortal threw his head back as he laughed. "I did try the Cullens' way of life. Irina and her sister Tanya were very…persuasive."

"How did you like it?"

Laurent tilted his head slightly as he answered. "I must say it is an interesting way to live, but…not completely satisfactory. While it's enjoyable not to be on the move all the time, I can't see being able to maintain it for long."

My eyes widened as the import sank in. "You mean…"

Laurent shrugged, not at all repentant. "I cheated from time to time."

_Keep him talking_, my angel's voice commanded me.

It then dawned on me what felt so wrong. Laurent's eyes were red, as from the traditional vampire diet. That was the danger of this situation. I felt my throat tighten in response to the fear, something I had never felt with _him_ or his family. I tried to keep him talking. Hopefully he was too polite to leap in mid-sentence.

"Is that what brought you out here?" Somehow I kept from squeaking.

"Actually, no." His left eyebrow rose. "Do you remember Victoria?"

I nodded silently, recalling the image of that wild-looking, female immortal with the flame-colored hair, standing next to James.

Laurent shook his head, his tone disgusted. "I'm sorry to say, she was rather put out with your Edward."

Managing to hide the wince that _his_ name brought, I asked the obvious question. "What are you talking about?"

"Her mate was killed hunting you, so she feels honor bound to finish the job. She asked me to see how well protected you were by the Cullens. I do hope she is not disappointed."

I was momentarily confused. "Disappointed…in what?"

_RUN BELLA!_ the voice roared in my head.

Perfect lips peeled back, exposing gleaming, razor-sharp teeth. "My killing you…" he chuckled.

Jacob pushed me back and crouched, whipping a knife out of a sheath on his belt. "Get out of here, Bells!" he shouted.

Laurent's grin twisted into an evil smirk and he flashed forward, grabbed the front of Jake's jacket and lifted him off the ground before Jake could blink. As awkward as his position was, Jake's knife thrust was like the strike of a snake, but Laurent easily caught the gleaming blade in his hand, inches from his face.

"You are fortunate you do not smell as good as she, but I'll be back for you." Laurent negligently flung Jacob to the side, where he landed in some bushes. I started to scramble frantically backwards from where I had fallen as Laurent turned towards me.

"You should thank me, you know," he observed.

"What for?" My voice was shaky.

"Victoria had some rather…extensive entertainments intended for you." Again his nose wrinkled in disgust. "Positively barbaric. Me…well… let's just say I was taught not to play with my food. Nothing personal, you see. You just caught me at a bad time." He leaned forward and delicately sniffed.

"I can see why the Cullens kept you around. You smell simply divine." Leisurely, fluidly, he crouched, getting ready to spring. I wondered if I should even bother screaming, and hoped it wouldn't hurt too badly.

At the end of my life, what did it matter anymore? I closed my eyes and pried open the lid I had kept on my memories. Pulling the image of his face front and center, I cried out in the silence of my mind. _I love you, Edward! Don't forget me!_

A sudden growl resonated, but from the side, not from in front of me. My eyes snapped open to see Laurent glaring to my left, across the clearing. His crimson eyes narrowed as he located the source of the sound, then they flew wide.

"_Mère de Dieu_," he muttered.

Four dark, hulking shapes pushed through the trees into the meadow. As they stepped into the light, I thought I was seeing things. I was already petrified with fear from Laurent, and didn't think it could get any worse, but the shock of seeing them made the meadow seem to tilt. They were wolves, without a doubt. Nothing else had that sharp muzzle, the alert ears, the rangy body and the ruff of a tail. But I had seen wolves in the zoo and no wolf ever got that big; these were the size of a bear or a small horse. All had different color pelts – one was black, one dark silver, another deep gray, and the last was brown.

The lips of the black one, which stood slightly in the lead, parted and a hideous snarl ripped through the misty air. As one, the pack lunged forward, a gigantic wave of fangs and fur.

My eyes turned back towards Laurent, expecting him to blur with speed, charge forward and tear the monster wolves limb from limb. Part of me hoped that would happen, to save us from the howling beasts, but that would leave us at Laurent's mercy. The best that could happen was for them all to kill each other.

Instead, to my surprise, Laurent turned and _ran_, leaving a slight disturbance of the leaves where he passed. The wolf pack crashed into the woods where Laurent had disappeared, and I could hear their progress grow fainter and fainter as they chased him further away.

"Bella! Let's go!" Jacob's voice brought me back to the present situation. He had some scratches on his face and arms, and he favored his right hand.

"Are you okay?" I asked as he pulled me to my feet.

"Fine! Let's get out of here!"

Jacob started running the way we had come. I couldn't feel my legs, but somehow the adrenaline kept me moving, blindly following Jake's back. I sincerely hoped he knew where he was going, because in my panic I had absolutely no clue. At any moment, I expected to hear Laurent's voice and feel his iron fingers after he had ambushed and disposed of the giant wolves.

Running, tripping, falling, getting up again, the forest seemed endless, just like in my frequent nightmares. My breath burned in my throat as we ran, but the fear kept me going, keeping in sight of Jacob's back and his bouncing backpack.

After an eternity of fighting through the woods, we broke through the trees and brush and stumbled into the trailhead parking lot. With a surge of relief, we threw ourselves into the truck. Jacob took the wheel without asking and started it with a roar. He winced as he worked the gear shift with his right hand.

"Are you okay?" I looked at his hand, and it seemed to be starting to swell.

"He squeezed my hand pretty hard when he stopped my knife. Might be broken."

Jacob's voice was tight with pain, his eyes rather wild as he drove frantically. I didn't say anything about the crazy driving because I knew we needed to get back to where there were more people in a hurry. I just hoped that Laurent was still under the same edict as the Cullens not to draw attention while killing.

Finally when we reached the highway and were barreling down it, Jacob broke his silence. "You knew that guy. You knew him by name."

I thought over a few responses, but he had seen us interact. "Yeah," I said cautiously.

"So you know _what_ he is?" Jacob glanced over at me, his voice rising.

I made one last attempt at dissembling. "What do you mean by 'what'?"

"I just– " Jacob pressed his lips together for a moment. "You're gonna think I'm crazy," he muttered.

"Try me."

"You remember the legends I told you about last year?"

"Yeah, I remember."

Jacob began babbling in his agitation. "I wasn't supposed to tell you, because it's a tribal secret. But I didn't think they were real, that's why I told you. But you saw them as well as I did; they're real. Werewolves and vampires are real!"

The hairs stood up on the back of my neck as his comment sank in. I didn't know what to say as I went through my memories of the stories he told me. They had been enough of a hint to help me figure out the Cullens' identity, and I'd accepted their secret without too much trouble. Why couldn't the other side of the equation be real, too?

On a dispassionate, intellectual level it made a certain amount of sense. But on an emotional level, the entire identity of the Quileute Nation had just been stood on its head; this small tribe of Native Americans was also a part of the supernatural world.

Jake threw an accusing look at me. "But you knew him! That means you've known about them for all this time!"

I gave up on keeping the secret from him. We had both seen too much to put the cat back in the bag now. "Yeah, I've known. But I didn't know about the wolves."

Jacob shook his head and shuddered. "And you've got one after you. Geez, how do we stop one of _them_?" He seemed to say that mostly to himself as he stared at the passing highway. After a while, Jacob made a decision.

"Let's go talk to my dad. Maybe Harry Clearwater, too."

"Sounds like a good idea," I said in a shaky voice. "Then we'll see if there's anything I can tell Charlie after that."

= = O = o = P = =

Jake pulled the truck to a stop in front of his house and we tumbled out in our haste. We found Billy in the living room watching a basketball game on TV. He looked up as we entered, and the smile froze on his face when he saw our agitated expressions.

Without preamble, Jacob jumped in. "Dad! You know those old legends you told me about?"

Billy looked at me over Jake's shoulder, and he composed his face into a neutral mask. "Yeah, what about them?" he asked, cautiously.

"We saw some _big_ wolves in the forest today!"

Considering he was the one telling the superstitious stories, Billy seemed to be trying too hard for nonchalance as he turned his eyes back to the game. "Really? How big would you say?"

"Huge. Big as horses, huge."

Billy scoffed. "C'mon, you're joking, right? Horse-sized? Maybe you saw a bear."

Jake made an impatient noise. "Cut the crap, Dad, I know what a wolf looks like. But that's not all." Jacob sat heavily on the sofa next to Billy and locked glances with him. "I want you to level with me. The legends of the spirit warriors and the Cold Ones are true, aren't they?"

"What makes you say that?"

"Because we _met_ one of the Cold Ones." He held up his right hand, of which his thumb and index finger were definitely starting to swell. "He picked me up like I was a baby and damn near crushed my hand. For some reason he wanted to kill Bella first, otherwise I'd be dead."

Shock finally registered and the color drained out of Billy's face as he looked from Jacob's hand, to me and back. "Let me see!" Jake gingerly held out his hand, and Billy gently supported it. Purple bruising was starting to form where Laurent's fingers had gripped.

"Geezus, you're lucky you're alive! How'd you get away?" Billy cried.

"Those wolves we saw chased him away."

Relief and concern washed over Billy's face, but when his eyes returned to me, he remembered that an outsider was present. He opened his mouth and hesitated.

"It's too late to keep it from Bella, either," Jake interjected. "She was with me, and she saw the whole thing."

Billy sighed and rubbed the back of his neck for a while. "What a mess," he muttered. "Go put some ice on it."

Jacob got up and went to the kitchen, while Billy's eyes narrowed as he pinned me with a gimlet stare. "You've known about the Cold Ones, haven't you?"

I gave him a solemn nod.

"Do you realize now, how much your life has been in danger?"

"I was never in any danger from _them_," I disagreed. I looked at the floor while I hugged myself. "It's a moot point, anyway. They're gone."

"No, you just saw one today, and he would have killed you. That should tell you something. Just because the doctor and his family have left town, that doesn't mean you're safe."

The thought that Laurent might come here to find me left me feeling exposed and vulnerable, and set my heartbeat racing. The only thing that had come between me and James' teeth had been _him_ and his family. Vampires who preyed on humans were still out there, but with the good ones gone, what chance did we have against the bad ones?

Billy nodded, satisfied as he watched the play of emotions on my face. "Do you understand you can't tell anyone? Not even your father?"

"He'd never believe me," I muttered, then raised my head and addressed him squarely. "I haven't said anything to anybody, all this time."

"You too, Jake. And this time I mean it."

Jacob returned with a plastic bag of ice on his hand. He shrugged. "Hey, I didn't know the stories were real. I thought you and the elders were being crazy, superstitious, old women."

Billy snorted and picked up the phone.

"Who're you calling?" Jacob asked.

"Sam and Harry. We need to take you to the hospital, and I need to find out what happened."

At Billy's mention of Sam, Jacob scowled. "Sam? Why Sam?"

"Because he's the leader of the pack."

= = O = o = P = =

When Harry answered the phone, Billy started talking in what I supposed was the Quileute language. I brought a chair in from the kitchen and set it next to the couch. Holding the ice pack to his hand, Jake sat down in the chair and offered me the couch. After a few minutes, Billy hung up.

"He's on his way," he announced.

Still rather numb, Jake and I sat with Billy but not really paying attention to the game. Billy asked what we were doing out in the forest, and I managed to convince him we were simply out for a hike. Ten minutes after Billy called, Harry knocked on the door and entered.

"You two are lucky to be alive," Harry said, as he closed the door behind him. I hadn't seen him in a while, and his medium-length black hair was shot with silver. He wore the same heavy coat I saw when he went fishing with Charlie.

"Yeah, we know." Jake's reply was subdued.

"Do you think you two can stay out of the woods for a while?" Harry asked.

Jacob bristled. "How were we supposed to know? Considering it's a matter of life-and-death, don't you think we should tell more people about it? Tell people to stay out of the woods?"

Billy grimaced in exasperation. "We did, Jake. But we're 'superstitious, old women', remember?"

Color flooded Jake's face at the rebuke. "Sorry, Dad," he mumbled.

Harry dismissed the issue with a wave. "So now you know. I suppose you might have a few questions."

"Yeah, like, are the rest of the legends true?" Jacob asked.

Harry pulled up a chair and thought for a moment. "I don't know if we're still able to spirit walk. But you know the wolves that walk as men are real. When the Cold Ones come, the young men with the ability can change. Sam is the current leader, but Billy would have been if they had come when he was young."

I looked at Jake intently. "Does that mean Jacob will change too?"

His expression noncommittal, Harry shrugged. "We thought he might, but he hasn't shown the signs. All the members of the pack hit a huge growth spurt before they phased for the first time. Embry is about the same age as Jacob, so we think if it were going to happen, it would have done so by now."

Jake briefly screwed up his face in thought. "So…Paul, Jared and Embry. They're all part of Sam's gang because they're…wolves?"

"Mm-hmm," Harry nodded.

For selfish reasons, I was relieved that Jacob wouldn't have to go through this supernatural transformation, since it had taken his friend away from him. "So why does Embry have to stay away from Jacob? They were friends before this thing happened."

"It's for Jake's protection," Harry explained. "Young werewolves don't have a lot of control over the change. If normal people are too close, they can be hurt. At least it's temporary; once they have better control, they'll be safe."

Billy coughed. "Do you know Emily Young?"

"Yeah, Sam's girlfriend who got mauled by a bear." Jake looked puzzled.

"It wasn't a bear." Billy shook his head. "It was Sam. Emily was standing too close to him when he changed. That's how she got hurt."

Jake's eyes grew wide. "Oh, crap." He turned to me and explained. "Emily's face was clawed really badly. She was really pretty, too." Jake returned his attention to Harry. "But the legends say the wolves are here to protect us from vampires, not hurt our people."

"What happened with Emily was an accident. The wolves have to be fast and strong enough to kill the leeches, so are much stronger than normal humans. That's why we have to be careful."

"What about the vampire we saw?" I said, still not believing that an indestructible vampire could be killed by flesh and blood animals. "Are they strong enough to stop him?"

"Four wolves against one bloodsucker?" A tight smile played across Billy's face. "I think they'll be fine."

"But there's more than one, Dad," Jacob insisted.

Before Billy could respond, there was a knock at the door. It opened and the looming form of Sam Uley stepped through.

"Any problems, Sam?" Harry asked.

"Nope. Not bad for our first one. But we really need to figure a way to carry a lighter with us. It's a pain to send somebody to find something to start a fire so we can finish them off." Sam's calm, rumbling voice filled the room.

Billy smirked. "Carry a butt pack."

Sam rolled his eyes at the ceiling. "And wear it on what?" He looked at Jake and me. "You guys okay?"

Jacob had stiffened the moment Sam had stepped into the room, and kept glaring at him to this point. The difference between them was like a beagle confronting a mastiff, as Jacob scowled up at the man-mountain that was Sam. After a brief stare-down, Jacob turned away, flushing. "Yeah. Thanks for saving our asses."

Sam shrugged. "We're protectors. It's what we do."

"So, he's not going to be coming after us?" I still felt the need for reassurance.

Sam shook his head. "He's ashes now."

Jake blew out an audible breath. "Good. He was going to kill Bella, then me. I guess I'm lucky I just got a busted hand."

"It's too bad we didn't get that leech's mate, though," Sam said. "If so we could relax."

"Wait, what mate?" I asked, feeling the dread rise up again.

Sam jerked his thumb backwards over his shoulder. "There's a female still lurking in the hills. The male led us on a chase up north, and near where we caught him, we scented her. Our legends tell us once you kill one mate, the other usually comes for revenge. We followed the trail and thought she'd try to come for us, but when we spotted her, she just took off."

I felt the room spin as I fully processed his words, and I couldn't seem to catch a full breath. When Laurent had mentioned Victoria, I thought maybe she had talked to him in Alaska. I didn't realize she was this close, plotting and scheming for my demise. "Oh, God," I moaned, when I could get enough air. "That's gotta be Victoria. She's not his mate."

"How do you know?" they all asked at once.

Squeezing my ribs tightly, I answered shakily. "Ed– the Cullens killed her mate last year. This one was just a friend she had scouting how hard it would be to get to me. Looks like not very hard, either."

Silence fell over the men. Billy picked up the remote and turned off the TV that had gone ignored all this time.

Sam broke the silence. "Now it makes sense that she ran." He fell back into thought and rubbed at his chin. "Do you think Charlie would let you stay here?"

I considered it, but after the threadbare story we had used to explain my run from James, we would need a good reason. "How would you explain it? Sleepovers every night at Jake's house? That'd be sure to raise questions. And I can't run away from home. That'd just kill him."

"Harry, does the treaty say we have to stay off their land?"

"We set the boundaries, but we didn't say anything about staying off if they're gone."

The look on Sam's face was more resolved. "Okay, then that's what we'll do. We can still make the female come to us, if she wants Bella."

"We can't use Bella as bait!" Jacob objected.

Sam's calm demeanor didn't change, as he spoke sternly. "I have to think about how best to handle the situation, Jacob. We don't have enough members to guard all of the reservation and Forks too. At least now we know what her goal is. We can guard Bella, and when the leech tries again, we'll get her."

Jake looked from Sam, to Billy and then back at me. "I want to help. Are you sure I can't…join you?"

That surprised me, after all of his complaints about Sam. I looked at Jacob and he gave me a little shrug.

Billy sighed. "Sorry, son. I thought you might be able to, but it seems to have passed you by, just like me. Maybe the Black line isn't good enough to defend our people."

Harry practically growled. "Don't say that! Your grandpa Ephraim made the treaty with the bloodsuckers to defend our people, and he was one of the most powerful wolves the tribe had. Who knows how or why the power flows? There's no ceremony to make it happen, no spirit quest. It just happens when the Cold Ones are near."

Jacob nudged me with his elbow. "Do you think Charlie would object if I sit on your porch with a shotgun?"

In spite of my anxiety, I smiled at a mental image of him sitting in a rocking chair with a shotgun across his lap. "First off, you'd have to explain why you're doing it, and second, if you did he'd probably sit there himself. Also, I don't think a shotgun would do any good. You saw what happened when you tried to stab him."

"Don't worry, Jake," Sam rumbled. "We'll make sure she's safe. When you don't have a lot of guards, it's better to know _what_ to guard."

Billy spoke up. "The woods end close to your house, which is good and bad. Good, because we can guard you without being seen. Bad, because she can get to the house without being seen either."

I knew that the vampire world had laws, but wasn't sure how much I could tell them without betraying their secrets. Then I remembered that they both had secrets, and the tribe had just let me in on a number of theirs. "Um, if it helps, they have to keep from attracting attention when they kill. They have, like, vampire cops if somebody goes nuts and gets out of control."

Sam gave a grim chuckle. "Interesting. Okay, just stick with your routine, and stay in public areas when not at home with Charlie. I'll have someone shadow you whenever we can."

Billy pursed his lips. "Maybe we need someone to be your wing man when you need to do things in public, and are by yourself."

"How do you think that would stop her?" Sam scoffed.

Billy raised his shoulders. "At least it would make her pause. A lone killing wouldn't be too hard to hide. Multiple? Not as easy."

Jacob nodded emphatically. "I could do that."

"Jake, you still have school."

"Don't you think her life is worth it?" Jacob's voice rose. "It's not 24-7, and this should be temporary until we get the bloodsucker, right? It's just when Bella has to run errands or go to work and stuff."

"Jacob, if the female decides to attack, what are you going to be able to do?" Billy said, pointedly. "Especially since it looks like you're going to have one hand for a while."

"You can't have one of the wolves ride in the car with her," Jake retorted. "Even if I'm just a warm body to make the bloodsucker think twice, I'm the best choice. If you're worried about school, I can work at home and catch up since Bella's been helping me. C'mon, this is important, Dad!"

Billy shared a glance with the other men in the room, and they didn't deny him. "All right, Jake, you're on. Now, I think you should get to the emergency room. Too bad you can't phase. You'd be healed by now." Billy looked up. "Harry? Sam? Could one of you take him?"

"No, I'll take him," I volunteered.

"You should get home and get some rest, Bella. You've had quite a day."

"It's the least I can do," I insisted.

With a sigh, Sam acquiesced. "All right. After you bring him back, somebody will shadow you home."

Jake and I stood up and collected our coats, leaving the elders behind, still talking strategy. As we walked through the front door, I glanced back to see Billy staring at Jacob's retreating back. Whether he was disappointed, sad or merely thoughtful, I couldn't tell before the door closed between us. Jacob was already halfway to my truck, so I shrugged and hurried to catch up with him.

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><p>To be continued…<p>

He may be just a normal kid, but he's a good kid, eh? Please review, I'd love to hear what you think!


	3. Chapter 3: Hunted

_**A/N**: Thanks to everybody for alerting, favoriting and reviewing this story! You guys make my day!_

_We all should also thank the illustrious **katmom**, because if not for her, you would have had quite the mess on your hands to read. :-)_

_A couple recs: "Letters from Esme" by Katmom (www fanfiction net/s/7817330/1/Letters_from_Esme) and "Diverging Roads" by bonnysammy (www fanfiction net/s/7819890/1/Diverging_Roads). Both are entries from The Canon Tour: New Moon round and deserve some love!  
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_**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters, I'm just playing with them. No copyright infringement is intended._

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><p><span>Chapter 3 – Hunted<span>

As I drove along the road from the reservation towards Forks General with Jake in the passenger seat, I was struck by the irony of the situation and smirked. "Well, this is a change, me taking _you_ to the ER."

Jake's response was rather cheerful. "Hey, at least I got this defending you, not from falling off a bike."

The image of Laurent's crimson eyes as he crouched to spring on me flashed in my head, and I blanched. "Yeah, thanks for jumping in front of me."

"Anytime." Jacob beamed, as if facing down a vampire was an everyday occurrence.

"Weren't you scared when you did that?"

"Honestly? I wasn't thinking. I didn't know that's what he was, I just…jumped."

"Well, thanks." I thought about Jacob's act of bravery, and it made me think about his earlier complaints about Sam and his desire to join them tonight. "Soo, what do you think of the Cult of Sam, now?

Jacob grunted. "Well, now that I know what it's about, I suppose that was pretty silly. I did apologize to my Dad, though."

"Were you serious about…wanting to be a wolf, too?"

"Sure. Part of me is relieved I'm not going to be drafted into a war that's not of my choosing, but at the same time I felt firsthand what it's like to be against one of those things. If a wolf is strong enough and fast enough to take one of them, that's not a bad thing right now. And I could help protect you, instead of standing on the sidelines."

Jake ran his fingers through his thick, black hair, pushing it out of his eyes. "But – if I was a wolf, then I wouldn't be able to hang out with you. So I'll take it."

I glanced over at him, but he wasn't being intense about it, and simply stared out the windshield. "Do you feel better about Embry now?"

"Yeah. It sucks we can't hang out for a while, but at least I know it wasn't me."

"Uh-huh. Kinda hard telling your buddies, 'Sorry, we can't hang out because I turn into a giant dog.'"

"What also kinda sucks–" Jacob stopped and looked out the passenger window.

"What?" I prompted when he didn't go on.

"You know the weights I have in the garage?" he said, begrudgingly.

"Yeah?"

"When Embry suddenly got so big, I tried to keep up with him. Not fair that he got that way 'cause he's a werewolf."

I couldn't help giggling at his offended vanity. "Hey, at least you're all natural."

"I gotta say, though, it's nice that the secrets are out. That was a pain." I nodded in agreement with him.

= = O = o = P = =

We arrived at the ER at just before dinner time, so while Jake went in to be treated, I called Charlie to tell him I would be delayed. Fortunately, Billy had gotten to him first and I didn't get any static about dinner. I guess as long as Jacob was involved, Charlie was willing to make allowances. After Charlie hung up, I picked up a magazine in the waiting room and settled down to wait.

When Jake emerged from the ER, he had a solid, fiberglass cast on his right hand, forming a claw with his thumb and index finger. At least his remaining fingers were free, or his right hand would be completely disabled. As planned, I drove him back to the reservation. He was happy that he would still be able to manage the gear shift, and wouldn't be completely dependent on others. When we stopped in front of his house, I killed the engine. I expected him to climb out, but he seemed to have something else on his mind.

"While I was in the ER, I couldn't help wondering about something."

I raised an eyebrow and waited for him to continue.

"How long did you know that the Cullens were vampires?"

I blinked, not expecting this question. "Since you told me about the legends at First Beach. Once you told me, I figured out the rest."

Jake frowned. "Wait a minute. You were dating one of them, and you _knew_ he was a vampire? Didn't that freak you out?"

"No, of course not."

Jacob stared me down, obviously not believing me by the look on his face.

"Well, maybe for a little bit it did, but I forgot about that pretty quickly."

"Really?" The look of disbelief on his face didn't change. "I mean, if I dated somebody, I'm pretty sure them wanting to kill me would be a big turn off."

I pushed his shoulder, a little miffed at his comment. "It was never like that. They were the most decent people I've ever met."

"None of them ever tried to take a bite out of you?"

Suddenly, the night of my birthday flashed by my eyes, and I could do nothing but stare out the windshield in shock. The expression on Jasper's face was of deep regret and embarrassment, but he still fought against Emmett and Rosalie. I still didn't blame Jasper, but that event did seem to emphasize my human-ness enough for _him_ to… I closed my eyes as my throat constricted and my chest seemed to cave in. I couldn't speak as I fought for control, trying not to let the tears take over.

Jacob noticed my distress. "Oh. Sorry I asked."

After a few moments, I was able to fight the hysteria back, but my eyes were wet just the same.

Jake cleared his throat, uncomfortably. "Bella. I don't know how to tell you this," he said softly. "But I really hope you can feel better some day."

"Thanks, Jake," I whispered. "Me, too."

"I mean, it's sad to see you hurting all the time. You don't listen to music, and you hold yourself a lot. But, Bella, I want you to believe that, maybe some day, you'll be happy again."

I pulled away from him, leaning against the driver's side door. "I…I don't know if I can _be_ happy again."

"I think you can," he said confidently. "You just need more time. I already notice a difference in the last month since you first started hanging out in my garage.

"Yay, the magic garage." I said it with little enthusiasm.

"No, seriously. You've got more color to you, and it sure wasn't my idea to fix up a pair of old motorcycles and ride those deathtraps around."

I wasn't sure if that could be counted as progress; he still didn't know the real reason I wanted a deathtrap in the first place. "Maybe I'm more awake than I was a couple months ago, but it's not that great. I still have nightmares every night."

"Hey, I wouldn't try to tell you how you're feeling, but it can't last forever." He said it with a confidence I certainly didn't feel. "One day you'll wake up and it will be like the sun suddenly came out. You'll wonder why you didn't feel like this before. Just wait, it'll come."

"I…I really hope you're right," I mumbled.

"Sure, I'm right. How bad could it be?"

How bad could it be? I'd asked myself that question many times. And each time, the answer was – bad enough. At one time, I knew where I wanted my life to go. I had a path forward, and someone I thought would be there beside me along that path. Now, without him, I was stopped, stuck in the middle of the road, not moving forward and maybe standing there looking backwards, unwilling to take a step in case I would lose sight of where I had been.

I must be fairly comfortable with Jacob, because the words rose up, and I gave voice to them. "I loved him, Jacob. I loved him and his whole family. He was so wonderful, so kind and considerate. I don't think there can be anybody like him again. I didn't think we belonged in the same orbit together, but he was so loving and gentle. He never said anything until…the end." My head slumped against the door as my chest spasmed. At the same time, I felt a certain relief at being able to finally tell somebody about it.

Through my tears, I saw Jacob hold his hands up awkwardly, trying to figure out what to do, then settled for patting me on the shoulder. I was glad he did that, because I wasn't ready to deal with anything more. Thankfully, he just waited patiently, letting me cry myself out, making shushing noises.

"Sorry," he said, clearly uncomfortable. "Guess I'm no good at this. Didn't mean to make you cry again."

"Don't worry about it," I gasped. "Happens all the time."

"You really cared for him, didn't you?"

I managed a silent nod.

"Well, he's still stupid for ever leaving you," Jake growled, quietly. "You're too good for him."

I shook my head sharply, but still couldn't talk yet.

"Now, stop that!" Jacob hissed, fierce but quiet. "Don't you even think he's better than you are, because if he could really see who you were, he'd never have left you."

Jake was trying, in his own, awkward way, to make me feel better. I just wasn't ready for it yet. I sniffed, then whispered, "It's nice of you to say, Jake."

"I'm not just saying it. It's the truth. There's a reason that Mike guy keeps hanging after you. I remember him from the first time you guys came out to First Beach. You're pretty, you're smart, and you're nice to people. That kinda combination doesn't come along everyday. Some day somebody will come along who appreciates that."

Sitting silently, absorbing his words, I still felt very fragile. And while I didn't make a habit of it, I had seen myself in a mirror recently. With the shadows under my eyes from lack of sleep, and the weight loss, I'm sure I didn't qualify as pretty. I wiped my eyes and looked at Jake; he was such a decent kid, and his words were wiser than his years. If I felt something for him, I'm sure he wouldn't mind going there. But that would be a really bad idea right now, because it would only be a rebound thing, and that was never fair to anybody.

I searched in that part of me that used to hold those feelings, and all I could feel was a gentle affection for Jacob. And gratitude, of course, for trying to help me through this period. But that wasn't enough to start down that road with him. Definitely not something to lead him on over.

I closed my eyes and took several, deep, slow breaths, trying to get my heartbeat back to normal. When I opened my eyes, I made sure not to make any movements that might carry more meaning than they ought to. I gave him a wan smile, patted his hand where it rested on my shoulder, and let my hand drop.

"Thanks for the pep talk, Jake. I really appreciate it." Another tear tried to escape, and I wiped it away.

"Anytime." He cleared his throat. "Well, it's late, I suppose I should let you get back home. You sure you're okay to drive?"

My voice caught in my throat and I had to cough. "Yeah, I'll be fine. And Sam said somebody would be shadowing me, so I should be safe."

"All right." He paused. "You know, in all of today's mess, I forgot to ask you if we found the right meadow."

"Yeah, we did."

"Too bad that bloodsucker is out there. I guess we're not hiking tomorrow, eh?"

"No, now that I found it, I don't need to see it again. I just wondered where it was." I also didn't need the reminders.

Straightening up in my seat, I thought about my workload and made a suggestion. "I can come down and we can get a jump on homework tomorrow, seeing as how you might be missing some school." I considered how much I would actually need him to escort me. "You know, now that I think about it, you don't really have to miss that much. We're in school at the same time, and it's not like you need to stay with me then. I'll just give you a call when I need to buy groceries or stuff like that. Does that sound okay?"

"I think Billy wants me to pick you up for school too, but sure, that'll work." He held my gaze for a moment. "You sure you're okay?"

I affected a smile. "Yeah, I'm good. Used to it by now."

"All right." He reached for the door with his good hand and opened it.

"See you tomorrow, Jake."

"G'night, Bella. See you tomorrow."

I watched him go into the house, then started the truck and headed for home. I wondered who might be running along in the woods beside the road, and kept the speed down, not knowing how fast they could run.

I felt more secure knowing that somewhere out there, a seven-foot long wolf was loping through the forest, ready to defend me from attack. It wasn't the same as…before. But it was better than nothing. We still had protectors and Victoria would have to go through them to get to me.

While I didn't feel good, I did feel a little better. Jacob was just enough of a friend to lean on, but not to smother me. Maybe when I was better, and able to set some of this aside, I'd figure out what to do with my life. I hoped he was right, and this rut I was in would not last forever. I could be patient if I needed to, so for now, I guess I could turn that patience to enduring my time without _him_. Waiting patiently for that magical day when the emptiness inside would be filled with…something…anything. With a sigh, I guided the truck onto the highway and headed back to Forks.

= = O = o = P = =

Sunday arrived and, in contrast with all that had passed the day before, was completely normal. Charlie was off to go fishing with Deputy Mark, so I told him I would be down at Jacob's for the day. I asked Charlie to come down to the Reservation after fishing, for dinner at the Black's house. Jacob came to pick me up, and we stopped by the Thriftway for groceries before heading down. I helped Jacob (well, I cooked and he helped as well as he could with one good hand) bake a lasagna and make a salad, something neither Jake nor Billy had seen in a long time. After dinner, Charlie drove me home. Before we left, Jacob whispered to me not to worry, that the wolves would be standing guard outside our house again that night.

The next day, Jacob escorted me back home from school. I had an essay to work on for English, and he needed help on some algebra problems. He was teasing me about being in the witness protection program, so I swung my backpack and caught him in the belly as we headed for the kitchen to set up shop for the afternoon. The stench that hit us as we crossed the threshold into the kitchen made the two of us stop in our tracks. There, on the kitchen table, was a dead raccoon, a gash on its throat leaking a pool of blood across the table and onto the floor.

I looked around the room wildly, expecting to see Victoria standing in the corner, but there was no one. I leaned against the doorframe weakly, while Jacob set his jaw and got to work. He pulled out a garbage bag from under the sink, turned it inside out and used it like a big glove to grab the carcass and wrap it up in the heavy plastic. Tying it closed, he opened the door to take it outside to throw it in the trash. Before he could step out the door, I roused myself and stopped him.

"Wait! She might be waiting out there for you!"

Jacob stopped and considered that. Then with a frown, he dropped the bag on the linoleum and picked up the phone. While he did that, I started cleaning the blood.

When Jacob got off the phone, he picked up the bag again. "Harry says Paul and Embry are out there right now. If she's out there, they'll smell her." Opening the door, he hauled the bag out and I heard the thump as he threw it in the garbage can. We were both more subdued when he returned to the kitchen, and we welcomed the distraction of homework. Despite our protection, I didn't want to think about who had been lurking around my father's house while we were gone.

Jacob took off when Charlie got back from work. I invited him to stay for dinner but he needed to get back in time to help Billy. We didn't mention anything about our morbid gift to Charlie, as it would raise more questions than I cared to answer. The tension that I had felt since discovering the grisly offering had stayed in the air over us, and I didn't blame him for wanting to get a change of scenery.

I got started on dinner, and made a simple pasta primavera, with grilled chicken. Charlie again made a face at my attempt to get him to eat healthier, but once he tasted it, that dissolved into a hearty appetite once more.

After we finished dinner, I washed the dishes and Charlie helped dry. He wandered off to the TV in the living room, and I was settling in with a glass of Coke to read my assigned section of _Animal Farm_ when the phone rang. Charlie rose, answered it and began talking, before I could put my book down, so I went back to reading about Old Major, Napoleon and Squealer. After Charlie hung up the phone, he stepped into the hallway. I took notice when he began buckling his gun belt back on and pulling on his boots.

"Sorry, I've got to run, Bells, but we've got a homicide. An honest to God homicide. I haven't had to deal with one of those in years." I smiled because in spite of the grim circumstances, he actually sounded excited to handle this one. "This one's way out in the sticks near the border of Olympic National Park, but still in my jurisdiction. Don't wait up, Bella." He shrugged into his trooper's jacket.

"I won't, Dad. I've got homework to do." I reached for my glass and gave him my customary sendoff. "Be careful out there."

"Always am," came his usual reply as he closed the front door and locked it.

Shortly after Charlie left, there was a knock on the door. I thought maybe he had forgotten something, but then, he had a key. I went to the door and peeked through to see Embry standing on the porch. He was dressed in shorts only – no shirt, no shoes, completely indifferent to the chilly night air. His solid build and over six-feet in height reminded me of Jake's complaint, and I hid a smile as I opened the door.

"Hi, Embry." He had a fairly serious look on his face. "What's up?"

"Jacob told us about the raccoon. The scent of bloodsucker is all around the house, but it's probably from earlier when she dropped it off. We don't smell anything new on the air." He raised his hands as if to reassure me. "Just wanted you to know that they smell so bad to us, there's no way she could sneak past."

"Thanks, Embry. That makes me feel better." I gave him a small smile. Then the phone rang. I motioned for Embry to come in as I went back to the kitchen to answer the phone. "Hello?"

There was a pause, with light breathing in the background. Then a high, almost feline voice spoke. "Hello, Bella."

The hair stood on the back of my neck; I didn't recognize the voice and she knew my name. This couldn't be good. "Who is this?"

"You know me. Or perhaps you knew James better," the voice hissed.

My heart fell into my stomach, and I stood speechless. On the other end of the line was the psycho immortal who sent Laurent looking for me. For some reason, I thought her voice didn't fit in that body. It matched better with a small girl, rather than a full-sized vampire.

"Wh-what do you want?" I finally stuttered.

"I think you know that, too." She continued in a conversational tone. "You know, school records are so useful. I know where your father lives. And I know where your mother lives, as well."

This couldn't be happening again. "What? No, they've got nothing to do with this!"

"That doesn't matter. You're going to suffer. I'm coming for you, but first…I'm going to kill your parents." She sounded so pleased as she said that.

I hemmed a little, casting about for anything that might put her off. "You can't kill him. My father's an important man in Forks. You know the police chief will be missed."

Victoria's evil laugh tinkled down the line. "Do you think I care if he's missed? He's in law enforcement; a very dangerous occupation. Anything can happen. In fact, you know that homicide he's investigating? It's in a very remote area outside of Forks. I've created a new friend. He's very hungry and he's waiting for your father."

"He'll…he'll be guarded. He won't be able to touch him!"

"You don't understand, do you?" She said with a smug tone of voice. "I know you have guards. Do you feel safer?" She punctuated that with a laugh. "You know you can't guard him forever. He has a job to do, and that takes him many places. Places the wolves can't go to. Do you know why I left my gift?"

I had no answer, so said nothing and waited.

"Just so you understand, I can blend in with humans. The wolves can't. And some day when that happens…" She snarled into the phone. "He's mine!"

The words left my mouth before I could even think. "Leave him alone! I'll do whatever you want!"

"That's better," she said, in a mollified tone. "The wolves can guard you, or they can guard your father. I leave that choice to you as a test, to see how much you value your father's life. Come to the place where you and your friend have been parking – the place you parked your truck when you met Laurent. Oh, yes, I followed your trail.

"If you come alone, I will leave your father alive. If not, well, I'll still kill you. But your father and your mother will both also die, and you will be responsible. Come tonight if you want to save them. We'll settle our differences there." The maniacal laughter trailed off before she hung up.

Embry had stood there quietly while I took the call, and he looked fairly shell-shocked at the conversation. My breathing was refusing to cooperate, and I waved a hand at him helplessly, until I could catch a full breath.

"Embry!" I finally exclaimed. "You've got to warn Sam! Victoria is going to kill Charlie! That homicide call he's on is a setup! She's waiting for him there! You guys gotta protect Charlie!"

Embry's eyes widened, then narrowed in determination. "All right, Bella, I'll tell him. Don't worry about Charlie." He turned around and ran out the door, and off towards the woods.

I closed the door and locked it – as if that would do anything to deter a vampire – then my knees collapsed and I fell to the floor of the hallway as the roaring surf of fear engulfed me. I couldn't breathe and the room tilted wildly for a while. After a few minutes, things stabilized and I was able to think again. I couldn't believe this was happening again, just like in Phoenix, with James threatening my mother. I couldn't let Charlie die because of me. Should I call Jacob? No, he wouldn't be any help either and would be just as doomed. He needed to be there to take care of Billy. And again, just like in Phoenix, when I asked myself if I could do it for my mother, I could also do it for my father. At the thought of his laughing eyes, his awkward kindness and love, it wasn't even a question. I would do it.

I thought about my promise to _him_, not to do anything reckless or stupid for Charlie's sake. This was something reckless and dangerous to save Charlie's life. Did that still count? And did it even matter? Was my life worth living still? _He_ and his family were gone. The life and love that I had hoped for was gone. I had hoped, at first, that maybe he might be watching over me like he did at the beginning, but that obviously wasn't the case. If he had, I was certain he would have shown up when we encountered Laurent.

He really wasn't coming back. He said he was tired of pretending to be something he wasn't. That meant I wasn't worth the effort to try anymore. The despair threatened to rise up again, lapping at the edges of my chest like the rising tide. But that wouldn't be helpful right now. I couldn't let it take over or I wouldn't be able to function. If I didn't show up, she would kill Charlie, and then maybe Renee. And that just wasn't fair.

I suddenly banged my fist on the wooden floor, the sudden pain drowning out the sorrow. "How dare she?" I yelled into the empty house. "You want me? Come get _me_! Leave my family out of this!"

I clenched my fists so tightly the nails bit into my palms. Fine. If I wasn't valuable to _him_, at least I'd be valuable to my father. Even if _he_ never found out, I would still do this. I pushed myself to my feet and stalked over to the phone. I dialed Billy's number, to make sure the message had been passed on to Sam. Then I had some things to take care of.

= = O = o = P = =

The anger helped sustain me through the next hour. It definitely fueled my fire as I loaded one of Charlie's shotguns. I thanked fate that he had insisted one summer on teaching me gun safety, and how to properly handle his firearms. He even insisted that I know the combination to his gun safe. Just in case, was his rationalization, even if I never hunted or went to the gun range with him. He also reasoned that no kid who understood the business end of a gun ever accidentally shot themselves. It might be a futile gesture as far as a vampire was concerned, but I wasn't going down without a fight. I wasn't a cop's daughter for nothing. I kept reminding myself that vampires _could_ be killed. It had happened with James, it could happen again.

I almost broke down when I wrote the letter to Charlie and Renee. I was a little vague, but I told them I loved them. I told them I was sorry for distressing them over the last six months. I apologized that things didn't end in the way we thought it would, but after all was said and done, as long as they were happy and safe in their lives, I was happy, too. I hesitated for a moment, not wanting to lie, even in a farewell letter. Then I followed through, and told them I didn't regret moving to Forks for a minute. After sealing the letter in an envelope, I left it on my pillow.

To keep myself moving, to force myself into the truck and drive towards my destiny, I had to channel all my hate and fury towards this misbegotten immortal who threatened my parents and preyed on innocent people just to get to me. If she hadn't been involved with James the first time, she wouldn't have this crazy need to kill me. The poor soul whose murder Charlie was investigating would still be alive, and my parents wouldn't be marked for death if I didn't offer myself up as a sacrificial lamb.

Too soon, I found the road to the trailhead, able to find it even at night because Jacob and I had been here so many times. My heart rate began to rise, as I wondered if she would even wait for me to get out of the truck, or would she simply ambush me from the side of the road. I began searching the blackness beyond my truck's headlights, as adrenaline started pouring into my system and my breathing sped up.

Predictably, my angelic voice chose now to make an appearance. _You have no chance. Turn around right now, go find Charlie and the wolves!_

"That's not what I need to hear right now!" I growled in answer.

When the parking lot came into view, I slowed and almost stomped on the brake. It was empty, so I pulled to a stop at the entrance to the dirt lot, and killed the engine. Knowing how fast a vampire could move, I wasn't sure what I was hoping to accomplish, yet I wanted to have some space between us. Taking a few deep breaths, I opened the door, and set one foot out. I listened carefully, but nothing but crickets and the sounds of the benighted forest came to me. Even so, I kept a hand on the shotgun that lay across the passenger seat.

A sudden flare of light came from across the lot. I saw it, but it didn't make sense. There stood Victoria, at the very end of the lot, near some large stones by the trailhead sign. Her hair seemed even more like flame in the ruddy light of a torch – oily rags wrapped around a branch. She had just touched it off with a lighter. But vampires could see perfectly well in the dark, what was the torch for?

"Call off your friend!" I yelled.

Victoria's eyes seemed to glitter in the guttering torchlight. "What friend?"

"The one you said would kill Charlie!"

Her feral smile spread wider. "I lied; I have no friends. But it doesn't matter, you disobeyed me." Her high, feline voice oozed with malice.

"What are you talking about?" The outrage made me shout into the night. "I'm here by myself, just like you asked."

"I beg to differ."

As if on cue, the woods on either side of me rustled, and two huge shapes leaped from the trees and landed in front of the truck, to the left and right sides. Growls filled the air as they stared down the vampire. In the light from my headlamps they were a dark grey wolf and a silver wolf. I thought they were protecting Charlie, but they had followed me.

Frantic that she would follow through on her threat to harm my parents, I begged her. "Wait! Please, I didn't know that they followed me! I told them to go protect Charlie! You have to believe me, I meant to come alone!"

"But you didn't." She seemed most pleased as she said that. "You know what that means."

My jaw dropped in disbelief. While they had meant well, the wolves had just sentenced Charlie and Renee to death.

Most people go through life without a single make-or-break, do-or-die moment – points in time where life hangs in the balance. I seemed to have one every day. To save Charlie and Renee's lives, I was ready to sacrifice my own – a stomach-churning exchange but one I would steadfastly fulfill. Yet now, that trade had been taken away, and cruel fate stood laughing on the sidelines.

I could see only one way to cheat fate. Victoria could not be allowed to leave this parking lot alive. Where before it would have been ludicrous to even consider, I now had two gigantic allies, born and bred to kill vampires. The thought raised my flagging spirits, and I tightened my grasp on the grip of my father's shotgun.

The silver wolf growled, low and furious, and, as one, the wolves charged forward, snapping and snarling.

Things happened faster than I would have believed after that. Victoria dropped the torch, grabbed something from behind the trailside stones, and heaved. Something liquid splashed through the air towards the wolves and when it hit, one of them yelped and flinched backwards, pawing at his eyes. Then the vampire flashed down, retrieved the torch and touched the wolf closest to her.

Flames blossomed on the silver wolf, spreading quickly to his frightened yelps and barks of pain and I understood – Victoria had doused them with gasoline or kerosene. As he rolled on the ground, trying to extinguish the flames, the vampire dodged around the stricken animal and kicked him towards the other wolf and they tumbled to the ground in a heap.

While his burning companion writhed on the ground, the grey wolf pulled himself free and lunged at Victoria. Some of the burning fluid had rubbed onto him but only in a patch or two, and he was still able bodied. Victoria's reflexes were good, and she thrust the burning brand towards the wolf's face. The beast recoiled, lashing out with a flailing paw that struck the torch out of Victoria's hand, and as he recovered, he latched onto her outstretched hand with his teeth.

Victoria smashed him in the head with her free fist, then pulled him towards her and lashed out with a kick. An explosive thump echoed through the night followed by a screech like tearing rock. Victoria shrieked as the wolf flew backwards, crashing deep into the trees from the force of her kick. With a start, I saw her right hand was missing.

Another scream of anger erupted from her and she turned towards the silver wolf where it rolled on the ground, still aflame but starting to smoke as some of the flames were smothered. Quickly, almost contemptuously, Victoria darted in close and struck it a thundering crack with a granite fist, then gave it a kick that sent it, too, flying into the trees, a dark, flaming meteor. It crashed through branches, and brush, coming to a stop out of my view.

My jaw remained open throughout the entire melee, still trying to process the scene of incredible violence, my right-hand resting unaware on the shotgun grip. Victoria then picked up her torch and nonchalantly stubbed out the burning branch in the dirt, leaving the lot illuminated only by my truck's headlights.

"Now, where were we?" she purred.

Adrenaline gave me enough of a boost to enact my desperate plan. I switched off my headlights, and pulled up the shotgun. Even a vampire would need a moment to adjust their vision to the sudden change in light. I switched the lights back on and hoisted the gun into the notch formed by the open door and the door frame. For a moment it seemed to work, and Victoria flinched at the light. I pulled the trigger and kept pulling it as fast as I could go. The semi-automatic shotgun roared and bucked, punching me in the chest over and over as I clung desperately to it. I vaguely noticed scoring several hits, as Victoria was struck by loads of double-aught buckshot, tearing her clothes and pushing her back.

Then it was over.

Victoria crouched and leaped to the side, and before I knew what was happening I was pulled out of the truck and lifted in the air by the front of my coat. I pulled the trigger again in reaction, but the blast went harmlessly down, striking the front tire of the truck and flattening it instantly.

"I'm so glad you decided to play," she hissed. With a contemptuous fling, she sent me flying, the shotgun torn out of my grasp as it caught against the doorframe. Like with the motorcycle, I had barely enough presence of mind to cover my head with my arms before the night exploded into brilliant light. I tumbled limply to the ground, my back and head aching from the impact with what must have been a tree, gasping for the breath that had been battered out of me.

"You should be thankful I'm being gentle," Victoria gloated, as her voice drew closer. "If that had been my full strength, you would be dead. How many bones does the human body have? Do you think you need every single one of them?"

I opened my eyes and in the shadows cast by my truck's lights, her face was a gargoyle's mask of hate. "My mate died because of you!" she snarled through bared teeth. "So you deserve everything that is coming to you. Shall we begin?"

The livid mask dipped closer and she grabbed for my right-hand. A sickening crack resounded and my hand erupted in white-hot torment. All I could do was scream and clutch my hand protectively to my chest – my pinky bent at a stomach-churning angle. As I writhed, I glimpsed Victoria standing over me, looking down in satisfaction.

"My, my, you scream very well."

She reached down and my head rose off the ground, a lesser pain in my scalp telling me she had grabbed my hair. I gasped for breath at the new onslaught.

"I hope you screamed this nicely for my James. I just wish your Edward was here to see this." At the smash of her stony forearm, the side of my head seemed to go numb from the impact and the night went hazy and even blacker around the edges. My stomach then clenched against nausea as the agony bloomed in my head. Yet even that wasn't her full strength – I was still aware of too much pain to be dead. The macabre figure reached for my other hand where I held it against me…

It was futile to fight against a vampire. I had tried, but what could a mere human hope to do mano-a-mano against an immortal fixated on one's death? Even missing a hand, Victoria was more than formidable enough to kill me. I was like a babe, a lamb thrown to the slaughter. I just hoped she would get it over with soon. The thought that I had failed to protect my parents twisted in my stomach as badly as the pain in my head and my hand.

I might not be able to prevent my demise, but I didn't have to let her dictate all that I experienced before I died. Closing my eyes, I reached into my most cherished memories, the forbidden ones locked away in the deepest recesses, and pulled one back into the light.

In my mind, I lay on the grass in our meadow, my head pillowed on Edward's arm, his other hand caressing my cheek. Edward's perfect lips were turned in that heart-stopping, half-smile as he gazed down with his smoldering, topaz eyes. Slowly, he lowered his head, his lips growing tantalizingly closer, my breathing already speeding up in anticipation. When finally he allowed our lips to touch, the contact sent an electric tingle rolling down my spine and down the backs of my legs. And as his marble lips gently lingered over mine, the pounding of my heartbeat rose up, harmonizing with the sound of my ragged breathing. "_I love you, Edward_," I had whispered breathlessly when he had finally allowed me to breathe.

It wasn't perfect. The pain was still there, in an ever present roar, but at least inside my mind I was cocooned in an oasis of warmth and love. I stiffened when she broke another finger, but clung to my Edward with all my might, and the ensuing sensation blended in with my existing torment and I managed not to scream.

My hearing must have been starting to go as well, or maybe the blow to the side of my head had burst my eardrums because some strange roaring made it through the maelstrom of torture. I didn't even register the impact when I was released and my head fell back onto the ground. Suddenly it seemed that Victoria was gone. Somewhere in the distance was a frightening cacophony of roaring, furious snarling, shouts of anger that seemed to go on and on…. The melee rose to a crescendo until it was punctuated by a metallic screech of tearing stone, accompanied by a feline scream of agony…that suddenly cut off. Silence fell.

I needed to move, to take advantage of the brief respite to get as far away as I could before she came back, but I felt like I was in a total body immersion tank of liquid pain, grinding my body into the ground. It barely allowed me to take a breath, as I lay there helpless.

Perhaps I passed out, or slipped into a dream. I felt cold, hard limbs gathering me up, a musical, lilting voice like wind chimes whispered into my ear.

"I've got you, Bella. You're safe, now."

Some part of my brain screamed that it was impossible, while another connected the sound of that voice with a face. Through the haze of pain, I opened my eyes to a sight I never thought I'd see again…Alice's face. Her eyes were wide with sorrow as she cradled me to her.

"A…Alice?" I croaked. "What are you doing here? Look out for Victo–" I broke off as a spasm rippled through my body.

"Shh, we're here, now, we'll protect you."

"We? Who's we? Is…is everybody here?"

She shook her head. "No. Only three of us could come on such short notice."

"When you say three…"

I knew then I must be dreaming or hearing things, when a low, velvet voice answered from the darkness. "It's only Alice, Jasper…and myself."

It couldn't be. That voice was gone, only coming back when I was being reckless. Peering through the painful fog, I cast about until I saw…a thick shock of tousled hair, over a noble brow. His face was too much in shadow for me to make out his expression, but I knew that profile as well as I knew my own. The sudden jolt of recognition was too much. Overwhelmed by pain, going into shock, unable to process the impossible events, my world tilted again and I slid into the welcome arms of darkness and oblivion.

= = O = o = P = =

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_Hope you are enjoying the ride! Please review! I'd love to hear your thoughts!_


	4. Chapter 4: Trauma

_**A/N**: Thanks to everybody for alerting, favoriting and reviewing this story! You guys are awesome!_

_My humble thanks to **katmom**, for wielding her awesome powers of beta. You make my day!_

_Recs: _

"_24601"by giselle-lx – the 1st Place finisher in The Canon Tour: New Moon round. (http:/www fanfiction net/s/7819904/1/24601)_

"_A Good Liar" by Raum – the 3rd Place finisher in The Canon Tour: New Moon (http:/www fanfiction net/s/7817651/1/A_Good_Liar)_

_**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters, I'm just playing with them. No copyright infringement is intended._

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><p><span>Chapter 4 – Trauma<span>

The familiar, deep, green of the forest surrounded me again, brooding and ominous while I rushed frantically along. This time I was not alone – a flame-haired demon ghosted along ahead of me, clothed in gossamer smoke that trailed in back of it, her hair flickering and flaring in her wake. The apparition stayed just out of reach, not disappearing, but I couldn't gain on her either. It would be death to catch her, but I had to try just the same. My breath burned in my throat and it felt like my feet were dragging through quicksand – the harder I tried, the slower I moved, but I couldn't give up. Doggedly, I kept trying.

Suddenly the trees opened up, and the deep, blue waters of a lake spread out before us. The demon swept along the shoreline, and beyond her I saw Charlie, placidly fishing. Unaware of any danger, he whipped his fishing rod forward in a smooth cast. I tried to scream, but my lungs were empty. Charlie didn't even turn as the she-demon swooped down on him, and pounced in one long leap. She pushed his head back and prepared to bite, when an avalanche of fur flashed past me, smashing into both the she-demon and Charlie. The whole lot of them plunged into the water and quickly sank from sight. I tried to jump into the water to save them, but hard, cold hands held me and I could get no closer. Bubbles rose from where they disappeared, and the ripples were already starting to dissipate. But nothing else rose from the water. Nothing. I opened my mouth to scream again. Nothing came out.

"Bella! Wake up! You're safe, wake up!"

I became aware of several hands holding me down – one pair large and warm, one pair small and cold. I was lying down, and from the familiar antiseptic smell, I was in a hospital. Judging by the increasing haze of pain that entered my awareness, it seemed a good place to be. Trying to open my eyes, I found something covering the left side of my face, and I could only see out of my right eye. I blinked and two faces came into focus. Charlie stood at the left side of the bed, looking rather wild-eyed and haggard. At my right side was the concerned, but lovely, elfin face of Alice.

"Easy, Bells, easy. You're safe, we've got you." It seemed like any other night, with Charlie waking me up from a nightmare, bending over my bedside with a worried look on his face.

"Dad! You're okay!" Relief flooded through my slowly waking thoughts.

"Sure, why shouldn't I be? Was I in your nightmare?"

"Yeah. What happened?" I croaked. My tongue was very dry, and I had to clear my throat to speak. Alice's presence confirmed for me certain hazy memories that I thought might be part of the dream. Relief flooded my body as I realized Charlie was safe with me, and in the back of my mind was the tantalizing memory of an angel's voice.

"You don't remember? You had an accident, Bella. You're at the hospital in Port Angeles." Charlie's voice was stricken, and the stress seemed to have aged him a decade. "Alice was driving home and found you in the truck. You'd run off the road and into a tree. How do you feel?"

"Like I ran into a tree." My sluggish brain was beginning to recall the horrific events that had landed me here, so I went with their version, not wanting to relive it just now. I tried to raise my head to see how bad it was, but a lancet of pain stopped me. "I must look hideous."

"Considering you have three broken fingers, a broken cheek bone, broken ankle, a concussion and severe bruising on your back and shoulders, you're not that bad." Alice wrinkled her pixie nose at me and I sighed. That explained the cast on my right hand and ankle, the bandages on my head, and how uncomfortable I was laying there. A stinging inside my mouth drew me to explore it with my tongue, and I found cuts inside my cheek, probably from when Victoria struck me.

"Still alive, though," I slurred with some relief. The doctors must have had me on pain medication, because things seemed quite fuzzy in my head, and I blinked owlishly at my visitors.

"Thank the Lord," Charlie stroked his hand gently on my head, and his voice cracked. "You've gotta be more careful, Bells. This is the second time you've landed in a hospital since you moved up here. Your mother's gonna want you to move back." Though he didn't cry, his eyes were moist and red. Charlie didn't do emotion much, so I was touched by his display.

I reached up with my good hand to brush his arm. "Don't worry, Dad, I'm not going anywhere."

A relieved smile brightened Charlie's tired face, and he patted my shoulder. "Thanks, kid." He straightened slightly and coughed. "What happened anyway? Were you trying to avoid something? A deer maybe?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alice give me a slight nod. I struggled to improvise. "Yeah. Um, it was dark, and it just jumped out of nowhere. No time to brake, so I swerved. Happened so fast." That didn't sound half bad, considering I was on pain medication. Or maybe it was the meds talking.

"Jeezus, I'm gonna kill every deer I find inside the town limits," Charlie growled vehemently.

Alice gave a low chuckle. "It's not hunting season, Charlie. Even the chief has to have a hunting license."

"I know, I know, and there's no hunting in town. A man can dream, can't he?"

At Charlie's mention of dreams, I glanced over at Alice and, reaching up to touch her porcelain cheek with a shaky hand, reassured myself she was real. "Alice? Are…are you guys back?"

Charlie gave a growling cough, which drew Alice's eyes for a second before she gazed back down at me. "Yes, we're moving back to Forks. Mother didn't like Los Angeles. Father is going to see if his position there is still available."

"It is," Charlie grumbled.

Charlie's reaction gave me pause, and I wondered at it, since he had always liked Carlisle, even defended him to the Quileutes. Then I remembered hearing _his_ voice in the parking lot – his real voice, not my hallucinations. But he wasn't here. I suppose that stood to reason, considering the way he felt about me. My eyes began to moisten at the thought. "Alice, is…is _he_…?" I couldn't continue but the heart monitor betrayed my increasing pulse rate.

Alice eyed Charlie while she answered. "He's in the hospital. Down in the waiting room."

"And he better stay there if he knows what's good for him." Charlie's voice was low and furious.

I turned my head at Charlie's comment, to see him scowling darkly. "What…what do you mean?" I asked in confusion.

"I mean, he's got some nerve showing up here after what he did to you! But don't you worry, Bells, I told him to leave you alone! He won't be bothering you anymore!"

"Charlie forbade Edward from seeing you." Alice replied calmly.

My mouth opened, but no sound came. I still wanted to be able to see _him_. Maybe if I could show him things were different, that I was a worthwhile human, perhaps I could convince him to give us another chance. But that wouldn't happen if I couldn't speak to him.

"What? N–no! You can't do that!" I finally blurted.

"Bella, take it easy, you don't want to get too excited. We'll talk about this when you're better, okay?"

I was already too excited, as I thought of being in the same building with him, but not being able to see him. The monitors gave voice to my rising stress level.

"What if _I_ want to see _him_?" I hated it, but couldn't control the quaver in my voice.

Charlie set his lips firmly, trying to hold onto his reaction. "Sweetheart, I hate to say it, but you've been a mess for the last few months, and _he_ did that to you. You've only started to get a little better since you've started hanging around with Jake. Do you think I want you to slide back down that hill again?"

I had thought I had held it together well enough to fool him – never missing school or work, getting good grades and still keeping him fed. But I suppose he'd be able to tell the difference. He was a cop, after all.

I fought back my initial reaction, not having the luxury to be hysterical. Whether or not Edward wanted me, he was back in Forks, and if this was my only chance to fight for him, I wasn't going to let Charlie get in my way. I took a breath and settled my thoughts.

"Dad, how old am I now?"

Charlie's jaw worked for a while. "Eighteen," he finally grumped.

"That means I have the right to make decisions for myself, right?" My voice trembled a little, and I struggled to get control of myself.

"So, you can vote. You still can't drink, yet."

I flounced my arms and was rewarded by a burst of pain when my cast struck the bed rail with a clang. I gasped and had to breathe deeply until it subsided. "That's not what I mean and you know it," I finally said through my teeth.

Charlie sighed wearily before he spoke. "I don't have too many pictures of you now that you're older, Bells. Mostly stuff from when you were little. If I did, I'd show them to you, so you could see the difference. You looked like hell, and that's only the outside!" Charlie straightened and walked over to stand in front of the window. He pushed the curtain back and stared outside for a while before he continued.

"You weren't _you_ anymore, and it hurt to see you like that! Nothing I could say or do made a difference. I know you went to school and work and still took care of things, but the Bella I know just wasn't in there anymore." Charlie turned around to face the bed again. "You were just starting to get better with Jake. He was making you feel better, why can't you just…stay with him?"

I felt a brush of guilt that I had been so focused on my own problems that I hadn't noticed what Charlie had been feeling. It was only natural for him to assume that any improvements I made while hanging out with Jake, were Jacob's doing. Unfortunately, his parental optimism was misplaced – I may have gotten out of the house more, but I was still just as messed up as before.

"I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I guess I wasn't myself." I said that as gently as I could manage, trying to bring the volume in the room back down. "But Dad, Jake and I aren't dating."

"But you spend almost every waking moment with him…"

"Yeah, I spend a lot of time with him…but he's just a friend."

"So just give yourself a chance –"

"Charlie!" I cried out a little too sharply, then closed my eyes and mentally counted backwards, finding my calm voice. "Dad, I need you to trust me on this."

"Bells, you shouldn't _have_ to have a boyfriend to make you happy," Charlie countered. He slowly kneeled next to the bed and took my good hand in his. "I want you to listen to me. You are a great girl. You're smart, and you're good to people. You have a lot to offer, and you don't have to settle for the first boy that comes into your life."

I didn't know what to say, not sure how to react to his assessment, so I simply squeezed his hand. Just recently I had heard much the same thing coming from Jacob's mouth. "I know I don't, and I was perfectly happy without one in Phoenix. But Dad, you mentioned how bad I looked the last couple months. Well, do you remember how happy I was last summer?"

Charlie pursed his lips as he thought, then grudgingly nodded his head. It wasn't that I waltzed around the house singing or anything but I'm sure even Charlie noticed my uplifted mood. No matter what we did, every day spent with _him_ or his family was touched by euphoria. Only when he had to leave to hunt did my spirits dampen.

"Can you blame me for wanting to be happy again?" I searched for and held his gaze with my one eye. "I don't know if he…still wants me that way. But I'd at least like to be able to talk to him."

Charlie stayed quiet while he stroked my hair, being careful not to disturb the bandages on my face. Again, he sighed.

"I just don't want to see you get hurt again."

I gave him a sad smile. "Dad, he's already dumped me. I can only go up from here." It was a pathetic statement, but true.

"Ah, Bells…" A sad frown settled on his face as he took that in. "Fine. He can see you if _you_ allow him. But a girl should always have the choice to say 'no'. If you ever decide you don't want to see him, I'll be right there to help you boot his butt out the door."

I squeezed his hand and gave him a shaky smile. "Deal."

Alice, who had stayed still during my discussion with Charlie, broke her silence with a cryptic comment. "Maybe it would be good for him."

Charlie seemed to weigh something in his mind as he looked at the two of us. With a little nod, he glanced at the clock on the wall, which showed 6:15. "Ugh, I need to go down to the morgue. Alice, can you stay with Bella for a while?"

Alice looked up, still leaning on her elbows. "Sure, Charlie. But you've only had a few hours of sleep. You're dead on your feet."

"I know, but the coroner's going to be doing the autopsy soon, and I have to be there."

That reminded me of what started the events of last night. "Dad, was it anybody I know?" Considering they had died as a pawn in Victoria's sick game of revenge, it didn't matter who it might be. I still felt bad for them.

Charlie turned wearily to a chair and picked up his coat which, by the look of it, he had been sleeping on. "No, honey, it wasn't. But the thing about it is, he lived in such a remote location, there's no reason for anybody to be just strolling by. Whoever called it in knows more about it than they told the dispatcher. Some woman who wouldn't give a name." He shook his head, shrugged into his coat, then turned back to me and patted my shoulder. "I'll be back later."

"Get some rest," I called to him. He waved as he closed the door behind him.

After Charlie left the room, I reached awkwardly for Alice with my good arm, squeezing her hand to make sure she was still there, and still real.

"How do you feel?" Her wind chime voice was low as she drew closer to me.

"I'm better now. I can't believe you're really here. I've missed you so much, Alice."

Alice leaned in close and kissed me on the cheek with her cold lips. "I've missed you too, Bella. Do you want to sit up a little?"

I nodded and Alice reached for the control to incline the bed slightly. That made it easier to talk to her and didn't hurt as long as I wasn't supporting my head. Alice's mere presence also put me in better spirits than I had felt in a long time.

"So what really happened?" I asked. "How did you find me? Did you get Victoria?"

Alice chuckled at my rapid fire questions. "Don't worry, you're safe from her now. Once we took care of her, we staged your 'accident'." She sat back and sighed. "I suppose I should start from the beginning. Edward told me not to look for your future, but I can't just turn it off."

The thought of Edward being this close sent my heart into my throat. Yet, at the same time, the memory of his last words to me filled me with despair. If he truly didn't want me anymore, what good would it do to talk to him? I'd never been able to convince him of anything once he'd made up his mind. But this was something I had to do.

"Alice? Do you think he'll want to talk to me?" She couldn't read his mind but she was the closest of all his siblings to him, and any insight I could gain might help.

"Why do you think he's been waiting? I'll get him for you." Alice's eyes went distant for a moment while she mentally called him. "He'll be up in a few minutes. Your father is talking to him in the waiting room." She giggled a bit, and I rolled my eyes. Considering Charlie's attitude toward Edward right now, that couldn't be a pleasant conversation.

Alice smoothed out her skirt briefly before continuing. "Anyway, so I saw you with a boy in Edward's meadow, being confronted by one of the nomads from James' coven. Then your future disappeared! I thought you'd been killed! I didn't ask questions, I just got on the first plane out here. Then, on the way, you and the boy suddenly re-appeared, then disappeared again. I had to find out what was going on, so I came back home." Alice squinted one eye intently at me. "Bella, have you been spending a lot of time at the Reservation?"

I briefly thought about what I could and couldn't tell Alice, since the Quileutes had obviously been trying to keep a secret. Then I realized that members on both sides of the treaty would obviously know about each other, and they both had secrets to keep. "Yes, and, um, some members of the Quileute tribe turn into wolves." I watched Alice's face carefully for her reaction.

A cute little divot formed between her eyes as she frowned. "You've been hanging out with werewolves? You're lucky to be alive! What happened in the house after you and the boy were talking with two older tribesmen?"

"The leader of the wolf pack came in."

Alice's eyes widened. "Well, that explains some things."

"Like what?"

"Your future has been popping in and out of existence for the last couple days. Somehow when your fate is associated with a werewolf, I can't see you." Even annoyed, Alice looked adorable. "That made it very difficult for Jasper to plan how to protect you when Victoria began showing up in your future."

A gentle knock on the door startled me, and set my heart rate monitor soaring. To finally see him, after all this time, sent my anxiety through the roof. What would he want to talk to me about, if he still didn't want me? Before I could speculate, the door opened.

"Hello, Bella."

His voice was quiet, and still velvet smooth, the pupils of his eyes were very dark with the purple circles standing out prominently under his eyes. The Botticelli-perfect image of his face had not changed, and set my heart hammering, to my embarrassment. His tousled, bronze hair was still as inviting to my hands as before. But what surprised me was his clothing; he looked like he had been living in them for months. I had never seen him this bedraggled before.

Alice seemed to feel the need to apologize for Edward's appearance, and wrinkled her nose at him. "Edward came as fast as I called him. I would have sent him home for a shower and a change of clothing but he wouldn't leave."

The state of Edward's clothing made no difference to me, as the sight of him paralyzed my brain, and I could only stare, drinking in the heart-stopping visage I had missed for so long. The hole in my chest was partially healed by his presence, but the remaining wounds throbbed even more in contrast. I yearned to hold him again – something he no longer wanted of me – and the ache pulsing through my arms was far beyond what Victoria had inflicted. With difficulty, I pulled myself out of my stupefaction and managed to mumble. "That's okay, I don't mind." But I continued to stare.

After a long moment of silence, Alice stood. "Well! I can see you two have much to talk about, so I'll let you get started." She opened the door and paused before leaving. "No hitting, you two!" she said with a smile, and closed the door behind her.

Edward remained standing next to the door, fidgeting with his hands clasped before him while he gazed at me. His eyes widened as they roved over me, and I was reminded that I was, once again, covered in bandages and gauze. That wouldn't be a good memory for him, and I tried to pull the thin, hospital blanket higher to cover myself. I watched him for some sign of what he was thinking, half expecting him to look at me in disgust, or even turn and run. He didn't run, but his stunned look and standoffish air could only mean one thing; it was true what he had said before. He didn't care for me in the same way. He only cared for me in _a_ way. He certainly wasn't rushing to gather me into his arms.

I bit my lip and turned my head away for a moment, determined not to make a scene for him. If I could do anything to respect what we had before, I wouldn't make this difficult for him. I took several deep breaths, pushing down the agony that threatened to boil over. I'd deal with it later, after he said what he came for.

"Hey –" I began, hoarsely.

"Bella, I'm so–"

We both stopped, after beginning to speak at the same time. We tried again, and stepped on each other's words again. Finally we laughed a little.

"You first," I insisted.

He nodded and took an audible breath. "Bella, I am so, so very sorry you were injured. As much as I wanted to, we couldn't swoop in sooner to save you because Victoria would have gotten away. Alice could see that, and I found she had a knack for escaping when I tried to track her down myself. I was unsuccessful, and actually thought she was in the southern United States when she was actually here in Forks."

My eyes widened at the thought of him putting himself in danger. "You were hunting her?"

He gave a sardonic grimace. "Not very well."

"But why?"

"I had to." He held my eyes for a moment, then crossed the room to the chair Charlie had slept in. I noted that he didn't choose the closer chair Alice had previously occupied, and ruthlessly suppressed the twinge of sadness that twisted in my chest.

"Bella, she wasn't going to leave you alone. She was James' mate. The way mated pairs are, when one dies the other tends to go a little crazy – either revenge crazy or suicidal crazy. I thought she would come after me, but who knows what crazy people think?"

"You would."

"Yes, but it didn't help me. I got close to her a few times, but she was always able to slip away. I could even see it in her mind when it happened, and it was uncanny how she could always find the one escape route. I knew then, that I couldn't stop her by myself, and Jasper felt this was the best chance we had. We could catch her, but only if she were not paying attention to her gift. Jasper knew it would be close, and it was. So please forgive me, Bella. I never intended for you to be hurt."

I didn't think I could sink any lower. Part of me had hoped he would apologize for leaving me, but he had only apologized that I had been hurt in the process of hunting Victoria. He had said his piece, and would most likely be gone soon. I realized that I was being ungrateful for being saved, but it still hurt. Hoping to draw out his visit, I resolved to play the cordial ex-girlfriend. I ignored the urge to bury my face in the pillow and wail, and instead affected the smooth expression I had practiced for Charlie. I even twitched the corner of my mouth into a smile.

"Don't worry about it. I'm still alive, aren't I?"

"Yes, you are. And you have no idea how grateful I am for your survival."

Of course he was grateful. If I had been killed as a result of his efforts to end Victoria, the guilt would sit in his chest for the next one-hundred years. At least, it would if he wasn't able to find a good enough distraction. "Sooo, what else have you been doing?"

"Not much of anything beyond trying to track down Victoria," he said with a shrug.

I frowned for a bit. If he was going to bother to talk, at least he could be more forthcoming. I supposed I should be happy he was talking to me at all. "Oh. Well, you and the family must have gone somewhere. I _know_ you didn't really move to L.A."

"True. They moved to Ithaca, New York. Carlisle was working at the hospital and teaching at Cornell University. Esme was restoring a house we have in Ithaca. Alice was off digging up her past, and Emmett and Rosalie are on yet another honeymoon." He rolled his eyes.

"And you didn't go with them to New York?"

Edward slowly shook his head.

"Why not?"

He grimaced briefly, his eyes going distant, before coming back to me. "I…was not pleasant company to be around," he explained, slowly.

Not knowing what to make of that, I let it go. "Alice said your family is moving back to Forks. Is that true?"

Edward folded his hands and looked down at them briefly. "Yes, it's true. Carlisle will go back to his job, and the rest of the family will be returning as soon as they settle things in Ithaca."

My heart in my throat, I couldn't help asking. "And what about you?"

Edward frowned and suddenly shifted the subject. "You're taking this awfully well."

"What, this?" I twitched my arm in its cast. "All things considered, I think I've had worse. James had more time and opportunity, so he really did a number on me."

"Wait, a minute. What are you talking about?" Edward raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Me getting hurt by Victoria. Aren't you feeling guilty that she got to me? It's okay, I understand. You had to cut it so close because the only way to get to her was to make sure she wasn't paying attention to her gift. And it worked. Yeah, it hurts, but I'm alive. This I can deal with. So don't you feel guilty about that."

The stunned look returned to his face as I spoke. "But…but I do."

"Feel guilty?"

"Absolutely."

I rolled my eyes, attempting to keep the friendly ex-girlfriend attitude going. "You have to stop that, you know. You called me a danger magnet, remember? I think you're right, and things just seem to happen to me. But that's just the way my life is, and you have no reason to feel guilty for that.

"So, are you going to be back for long? Do you mind my asking what your plans would be?" I tried to imagine what kind of activity would be diverting enough to a being that had lived one-hundred years and seen that much of life. My imagination failed.

"I…hoped you might guide me in that."

"Me?" I frowned in confusion. "Since when has anything I've said had an influence over what you really wanted to do?"

For some reason, he shut his eyes tightly and flinched away. When his dark eyes opened again, they were pinched as if he was in pain. "Everything you say influences me. You know I can't forget anything, remember? I carried the sound of your anguished cries, echoing in my head, calling me back to you day after day."

My eyes flew open in shock and my heart started to flutter. "Edward…what are you saying?"

"I know I have no right, but I'm saying I can't live without you anymore. I've done so for far longer than I could stand, and it was my own stupidity that kept me from crawling back to you."

"But…in the forest. You said I wasn't good enough for you."

"I lied, Bella. You should have known that. As good at lying as we must be to fake our existence and you believed me in one word?"

"But…you said you didn't want me anymore!"

"I lied because I could see what was happening. It was only a matter of time before Jasper came at you again, or even myself. I never stopped loving you, but I had to do something to save your life."

"By leaving me?" My voice squeaked in outrage. "Knowing what I know about _your world_, do you think that makes any difference? You saw! Just because you left doesn't make all the vampires in the world go away. You may have killed Victoria but that won't keep other nomads away from Forks. They're still out there whether you like it or not. In fact, the only way you can really keep me safe is to _stay_ with me. And now you're telling me we went through six months of hell because you lied?"

"Yes, but it was for your own good. And I never thought you would believe me, but you did. I could see it in your eyes." I could hear the disappointment in his voice, but other thoughts rushed to the front.

"Because it doesn't make sense! It never made sense! Why would _you_ love someone like _me_? You said you didn't want me anymore. You said I wasn't good enough for you! That made sense! I even understood it when I tried to look at it your way. You were tired of pretending not to be a monster, and Jasper reminded you of what you are. Well, you know what? You never _were_ a monster to me!

"And after all this, now you say to me that you were lying about lying. How am I to know? If you're as good at lies as you say you are, how do I know you aren't lying now? And you did it 'for my own good'? That's just great! Just tear my heart out 'for my own good', why don't you?" I was yelling. Somewhere, my voice had risen, and the sudden silence in the room punctuated how loud I had become. Belatedly, I realized I _had_ created a scene. Edward watched me rant, not moving, but his expression wasn't happy.

Before, I didn't think it was possible, but I was angry, and angry at _him_. I wasn't sure what I was more angry about – that he had lied or the fact that he had unilaterally made a decision affecting us, and broke my heart in the process. Lying took us back to the time before I knew what he was, and he was hiding things from me. I thought we had gotten beyond that, to a level where we were on open and equal terms with each other. Deciding what was best for me, well that was something for Charlie to do, not my boyfriend. Actually, now that I was eighteen, that was my decision, and nobody else's. My breath was still coming too quickly, and I needed some time to think. If I wasn't in a cast and it didn't hurt to raise my head, I would have walked out myself.

"Edward, can you please leave?" I growled.

He started as if I had struck him in the face, then closed his eyes, bowed his head, and took a long, slow breath. When he opened his eyes, they were inscrutable.

"As you wish." He rose and walked silently to the door, opened it and paused. He looked over his shoulder at me, his eyes intense and hungry. His velvet tones were subdued with sadness. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I'll always love you." And then he was gone.

= = O = o = P = =

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_Thanks so much for reading, I'm glad you're still with me! I'd love to know what you think!_ puuush the buttton :-)


	5. Chapter 5: Promises

_**A/N**: Thank you, thank you to my readers who have been very kind in alerting, favoriting and reviewing. You make this experience worthwhile, and I thank you very much for your support!_

_A huge, heartfelt thank you to the all-powerful **katmom**, who is faster than a split-infinitive, more powerful than the active voice! She always saves the day!_

_**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters, I'm just playing with them. No copyright infringement is intended._

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><p><span>Chapter 5 – Promises<span>

After Edward's broad shoulders disappeared behind the door, I dropped my head back onto the pillow and covered my eyes with my good hand.

"I can't believe he did that," I grumbled to the empty room. Now that I had seen this side of him, I wondered how much of that condescension had played into our relationship. He was the one-hundred and eight year-old experienced male, and I could tell he was rather protective of me, the naïve teenager. At the time, I had thought he was just being sweet. Now I wondered how much of his treatment of me were his manners, and how much was him being presumptuous?

He had refused to discuss anything about becoming a vampire, beyond relating the general facts of Carlisle's story, or those of the other family members to me. "You don't know what you're asking for," he had growled at me. If not for Alice, I would still be in the dark about vampire transformation.

From Carlisle, I gathered Edward considered himself a soulless monster, one doomed to hell despite all of Carlisle's attempts to persuade him otherwise. So, in Edward's view, he was saving me from perdition. Yet in doing so, he cast me into purgatory. Regardless of what I thought of heaven or hell, he had made the decision for me.

While I reclined in the hospital bed, still fuming, I heard the door open again and pulled my hand from my face, ready to bark at Edward to leave me alone…only to see Alice's inky locks poking around the half-opened door.

"You okay?" she asked.

"No," I grumbled. "C'mon in, Alice."

Alice shut the door behind her and resumed her chair next to my bed.

"How dare he? How dare he?" I began ranting. "What gives him the right to make that kind of decision for me?"

"You must admit, he's always been very protective of you."

"Has Jasper ever done anything like that to you?"

"No, but he can feel if I'm bothered by something he's done. Edward doesn't have that insight with you."

I felt another flare of irritation. "So? Guys have had to deal with women for thousands of years without being able to read minds or feelings. That doesn't give them any excuse to treat their girlfriends like children!"

"Easy, Bella, I'm on your side." Alice patted my shoulder gently, and I felt a little sheepish for my outburst. "I didn't like it either, but he insisted that we all move, and have no contact with you. I won't excuse what he did, but maybe if I explain something, you might be able to understand why."

Once again I relaxed against the pillow. "I'm listening," I said with poor grace.

"We're all very protective of our mates." Alice narrowed one eye and gazed at me intently. "Has Edward ever explained vampire mating to you?"

Immediately, my mind started running off, and I could feel the flush starting up my neck. "Um, no, he just said he didn't think that would be possible for us, since he's so much stronger than I am."

Peals of Alice's laughter sparkled off the walls of the room. "Not that kind of mating, silly!"

"Oh, geez!" I grabbed the blanket and pulled it up over my now flaming face.

Still giggling, Alice pulled the blanket back down. "Hey, it's me you're talking to. You can ask me anything."

I started giggling in embarrassment as well, the motion causing some discomfort in my sore back muscles and the injured side of my face. It took me a few breaths to calm down, but eventually my curiosity won out. "He did mention something about Victoria and James. Okay, then, tell me about this mating that isn't _mating_."

With a nod, Alice began. "Basically, even though nothing's being driven by procreation, vampires can find mates. And when they do find their one, true mate, that bond lasts for the rest of their existence.

"Part of Edward's mistake was thinking that it wouldn't be the same with you, because you're human. But it's not unheard of between a vampire and a human. Esme first met Carlisle when she was sixteen and human. She didn't marry him then because of family circumstances, but when she met him again years later the connection was still there."

I thought about that, then spoke slowly, "Edward and I are…"

"Mates."

I raised my visible eyebrow. "Soul mates?"

"What's the difference? Think about him. What are you feeling now?"

I closed my eyes and thought about him, searching for what my heart felt. Now that I had cooled off a little, the yearning that was always there came back in force, the ache only partially dulled because I at least knew where he was. At the same time, I still felt a little irritation that he was so autocratic and insensitive of my wishes. "Alice, if we're mates, how can I still be pissed off at him?"

Alice gave a knowing smile and shook her head a little. "Just because you're mates doesn't mean you can't have the ups and downs of a relationship. We're not zombies in a constant state of goo-goo eyes because of the mate bond, you know. I can't tell you how many times Emmett has been in the doghouse because he irritated Rosalie, and she irritates easily. But in back of all that, there's the strength of that unconditional love, keeping the two of you together. That's what you're looking at here."

Unconditional love. That was a good word for what I felt. Thinking back over the last few months, no matter how much it hurt, I still cared for him, still wanted him to come home to me. Still, it left me with one question.

"Why did he leave me if he loved me?"

"Everybody reacts differently, but again, it goes back to that bond. We will go to great extremes to protect those we love – sometimes completely illogical extremes. If you were a vampire, the choice would be simple; he would defend you to the death. But in this case, the threats he was protecting you from were himself and our family. That, combined with his assumption that you were human and couldn't bond the same way we do, led him to his decision."

"Oh," I muttered stupidly. "So, he didn't really want to leave me?"

"The way he behaved while you two were apart, there's no other explanation. He wouldn't stay with the family, but I kept tabs on him while he was away." Alice shook her head and sighed. "Before he settled down and started hunting Victoria, he caused quite a bit of destruction in some forests up in British Columbia."

I frowned, not understanding what had been driving him. "He was–"

"He was very unhappy," Alice concluded with a shrug.

News that he hadn't actually been pursuing distractions while away from me came as a relief. Perversely, Alice's comment that he had been unhappy during that time, gave me a hint of satisfaction.

One of the more painful memories I had – guaranteed to send convulsions rippling through my body – was Edward's look of disdain, and the frigid dispassion in his voice as he told me he didn't love me. Before, I had always seen in him the beauty one only saw in classical statues. On that day, he had taken on the inhuman qualities of a statue – cold and unfeeling stone. Now, Alice's comments held that memory up to a different light. His love was still there, only buried behind a mask of his own making. It still wasn't pleasant to reflect on, but at least I was able to bring it up without crying.

The thought that we shared a deeper connection than even he understood, made sense considering how I had felt during the months of his absence. I knew without a doubt I had this bond to him. If he had the same rapport with me, his actions were not driven by condescension, but by love. My irritation at his actions seemed rather petty in hindsight. Then I remembered my own last words to him and groaned, my heart sinking back into my stomach. I grasped Alice's sleeve, with a sickening feeling.

"Oh, Alice!"

"What's wrong?" Her golden eyes grew concerned at my sudden wail.

Barely audible, I moaned, "I kicked him out. I sent him away. Do you think he's mad at me?"

Alice's brows knitted together in concentration, then she focused on me again. "He's not in the hospital, but I don't think he's angry."

"Where is he?"

Her nose wrinkled as well as she tried to see more, then she shook her head. "He's running full-tilt through the forest, I just can't tell where. Do you want me to get him?"

I desperately whispered, "Please!"

Alice pulled out her phone, muttering about cell phone service in the forest. Then a devilish smile spread across her face and she stopped mid-dial. She leaned in and spoke conspiratorially. "Now, just because you've realized you're his mate, doesn't mean there can't be some ground rules." She continued to speak, and I listened with renewed hope for the future.

= = O = o = P = =

It had taken some time for Edward to pick up Alice's message, as he had been running in a fairly remote area. Alice had assured me that this was a good sign, as he often went running when upset. However, the fact that he was upset didn't make me feel that much better. While we waited for him, Alice filled me in on what she had found about her history.

"You have a niece?" The thought of a vampire having living relatives didn't quite compute to me. Though it wasn't impossible for distant descendants to exist, the way the Cullens lived outside of society made normal family ties seem like a foreign concept.

"I had a younger sister named Cynthia." Alice leaned back, gazing out the curtains that Charlie had left open. "Her only daughter lives in Biloxi with her family now. Part of me is curious, to see what she remembers of her mother, or of her grandparents. But that would be a little awkward."

"If any pictures of you existed, you'd freak them out."

Alice nodded in agreement. "I suppose it's a good thing there wasn't any information on why my parents had me committed to an asylum. There must have been something fairly awful happening for them to do something like that."

"Nothing in the news?"

"My family wasn't high enough in society. There's a wedding announcement and some birth announcements, but that's all. We were pretty average folks."

I reached over and squeezed her hand. "You'll never be just average to me."

"Thanks, Bella." Alice's megawatt smile washed over me, and reminded me how much I had missed her when she was gone. My best friend, the vampire.

Apprehensively, I looked at the clock. Eight-fifteen, almost an hour since Alice left her message on Edward's voice mail. "Are you sure he's coming?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "Cell phones are only as good as their coverage. Trust me, wild elephants couldn't keep him away."

"Don't you mean horses?"

"Do you think horses could hold him?"

"Oh, I guess not." I looked down at myself. "How do I look?" I wondered.

Alice glanced at the bandages on my face and snorted. "Like a patient."

Out of reflex I smoothed my hair with my hand, but it was pointless – I was all bandages and fiberglass casts wrapped up in a lovely hospital gown. "Ooh, maybe I should talk to him another time."

"Nonsense, you're in a hospital, he's not going to care that you're wearing bandages." Alice laughed. "Trust me, you're talking to the style police. This is perfectly appropriate for the season and this situation."

At 8:37 a.m. there was a knock on the door, precisely when Alice had predicted. Alice quickly got up, gave me a meaningful look, and opened the door. Edward looked much the same as he did from earlier this morning, except his hair was damp and swept back, as from the passage of wind. He stood there, looking at me from the doorway, a mixture of hunger and pain in his eyes, and I felt a twist of guilt that I was the source of his anguish. A cough from Alice brought my attention back.

"Come in, Edward," Alice greeted him. "I'm going to call Jasper and see how he's doing with the arrangements. Call me if you need me, I won't be far." Edward stepped across the threshold and Alice quietly closed the door behind her.

"You wished to see me?" His tone was quiet, and very polite, as usual.

I nodded and tried to keep my voice steady, although he was certain to have heard my fluttering heartbeat even without the monitors. "Sorry I got mad at you. I kinda went off without thinking."

He shrugged in a resigned fashion. "It's understandable."

"Why don't you sit over here?" I indicated the chair closer to my bedside. As he approached and sat, I noticed his eyes, which had been dark earlier, were now golden-yellow. "Did you go hunting?" I asked, equally as polite.

"I thought it best to make myself safe for you, just in case you might change your mind about speaking with me." He clasped his hands, and leaned forward slightly, resting his elbows on his thighs. "I understand if you are angry with me."

I waved a finger slowly in a circle, and he watched it move. "You know, in a way, you did this to me."

Edward dropped his gaze to the floor. "Yes, I know, and I am sorry for that," he admitted softly.

"Not just this. I'm talking about the last six months. You decided what was best for me, and you left me without once asking what I thought we could do about the situation."

He raised his head and looked at me helplessly. "Yes, you're right."

"You said you lied about not loving me when you broke up with me." I said that as calmly as I could, not wanting to sound too shrill about it.

Edward's jaw muscles flexed briefly. "Well, technically, I said I would always love you...in a way."

I rolled my eyes at that. "But you did say you didn't want me."

"I said I didn't want you to come with me," he corrected. "Honestly, would you have let me go if you thought I still loved you?"

I held my hand up. "This isn't about me, right now, but you. Why did you leave like that, if you still cared about me?"

Edward considered that silently, his hands folding and unfolding. "In my defense, it seemed to be the only thing I could do. You've not been the most rational person in this situation. I'm still a predator, and you're still my prey. Most people instinctively recognize the danger we present and run away from that danger. Not you! You embrace that danger, you run towards it!

"My family still associates with immortals who practice the traditional diet. Sooner or later, you would have come in contact with them, and I assure you, none of them are in any way hesitant about satisfying their thirst. The ones we call friends oblige us by not hunting within our range, but the risk to you was still too great."

He shook his head with his mouth open, and his voice came out strained. "I _had_ to try. I had to try to save you from me, from my family, from my world. To do nothing would have been unconscionable. I thought, given time, you would be fine once I left, because you're human. You would forget. As long as I kept Jasper and my family away from you, you would be safe."

"Well, you're wrong on both counts." I took a deep breath, gathering my thoughts. "I almost _died_ without you. I must have gone kinda crazy myself because I can't even remember what happened in the first four months after you left. And that's without Victoria thrown in. Just because you took yourself out of my life, doesn't take me out of your world. It's all around us, just not everybody knows that you exist."

Edward nodded numbly, and pushed a wayward lock of hair out of his eyes. "I'm so sorry all that pain was for nothing."

"For nothing," I repeated. Looking sadly down at my broken body, I had to work harder to keep hold of Alice's reassurances. "So what now? Are you staying, or will you only be here until you decide to leave me for my own good again?"

Edward steepled his hands over his nose and mouth, taking a deep breath before taking them away. "You seem to have an uncanny ability to find my limits. I thought the hardest thing I had ever done in my life was to stop drinking from your wrist after James had bitten you. This was harder. Every single day away from you, I heard you calling to me to come back. I was already starting to cave when Alice called me."

"But she said she had to convince you."

"Only because you were human. I didn't think it possible that you could feel the bond between us as strongly as I did. In most of the human relationships I've witnessed, hardly any of the couples are equally matched in the depth of their feelings. One half of the couple always feels less or more than the other person does in return. So I thought there was a possibility you might be the same way."

"I did say you were wrong about that."

"Believe me, I truly wanted to come back to you, yet I was also afraid you might have been too hurt to take me back. Part of me was afraid to face you if that were the case. I'll accept your scorn, if you truly wish to have nothing to do with me. If you've moved on with that Jacob child, that is your right and my just desserts."

I wondered what he might have heard of Jacob, but wanted to stay on track, and set it aside for later. "So I'm to believe that you're coming back and this time you'll stay with me? How do I know you're not lying now?"

"I hope you will believe me that I have no agenda, other than loving you." Then to my surprise, Edward pushed the chair back, settled to his knees, and took both of my hands in his, holding the cast carefully with his left.

"I can only tell you what I feel, and hope you will accept it as truth. I never stopped thinking of you, love." I felt a jolt run up my spine when he said that term of endearment I hadn't heard in far too long. He frowned and I realized my face must have reacted when he said it. "Forgive me, though I have no right, I still think of you that way."

He plunged on, in his agitated way. "I keep saying it because I know no other way to express it. I never stopped loving you. There wasn't a day, an hour, a single minute that wasn't filled with thoughts of you. I even saw you everywhere. Every time I saw a young woman of your approximate height and build with long brunette hair, I was reminded you were not with me and the pain was paralyzing. I couldn't listen to music, I couldn't drive a car. I had to avoid populated places after a while because the slightest swish of long, chestnut hair would set me off again. There was no distraction, nothing at all with enough power to erase you from my thoughts, or to ease the agony of being away from you. Hunting Victoria was the only thing that gave me enough motivation to move, because that was done in your service.

"If you are too hurt, too angry to take me back, I completely understand. I won't bother you if that's what you want, because I deserve every ounce of your disdain. But I just couldn't stand on this earth for one more day with you believing the lies I told. I love you, and I'm so sorry, so very, very sorry that I hurt you. I will wait forever for the slightest hint of your esteem, and if you let me, I'll spend every moment trying to prove–"

As the look on his face became more and more tortured, his voice seemed to thicken and stick in his throat. So help me, the need to comfort him grew and grew, welling up in my chest. With each word of love that dropped from his lips my resistance evaporated like frost before the noonday sun. Heedless of Alice's advice, before I knew it, my hand freed itself from his grasp, reached out and grabbed a fistful of his shirt, pulling him toward me. "Edward, shut up, and kiss me," I muttered.

His eyes flew wide, frozen in surprise for an instant, which must have been an eternity for him. Then suddenly he blurred and his face was up close, his lips moving softly on mine, and only now did I realize how much I had missed that cool, sensual smoothness. Instantly, the remaining pain in my chest was gone, replaced by a golden glow that slowly spread outward, my heart beating loud and strong once again, my lungs once more filled with sweet life.

I didn't care that his clothes were very weathered and smelled of the outdoors from living rough for the last six months. The movement of my cheek muscles set my injury aching, but I ignored it in favor of savoring the sweetness of his lips. Pulling in a deep whiff of the heady, spicy scent that permeated his skin, I luxuriated in the feeling of returning home. Gone were the scratchy hospital sheets, the monitors, bandages and IV tubes. There was only him, and me, the play of his lips on mine, and the sensation of weightlessness as I kissed him hungrily.

Edward broke first and whispered hoarsely against my cheek, "Oh, how I've missed you." He lay soft, rapid kisses on the unhurt side of my face, my nose and finally came back to my lips.

"Same here," I answered, when my lips had a chance, then I smiled as my fingers returned to where they'd always felt at home – twining through his tousled, bronze hair. Suddenly, a loud chirp came from Edward's pocket. He ignored it and continued kissing me, but another chirp resounded. With a frown, he sat back and pulled his phone out. A very confused expression came over his face, and he handed the phone to me. It was a text message from Alice that read:

_Bella…FOCUS!_

I giggled, at the expense of another twinge in my face. I could easily visualize Alice's expression – hands on her hips, eyes flashing as she glared at me. How well she knew me. She did, however remind me of the other things that needed to be said.

"Meddling sprite," Edward groused, and I suppressed another laugh.

"Yes, Edward, I still love you, but that doesn't excuse what you did," I began after I had calmed down. I was momentarily floored by the intense relief I felt at being able to tell him I loved him again, something I had despaired of doing not so long ago. To focus myself, I took my fingers out of his hair and grasped his hand.

"You decided what was best for me. And even though it involved me – intimately – you never bothered to discuss it with me. Those last three days when you were moping around, giving me the silent treatment, you never thought to talk to me about it. You just decided and threw me away. I thought we had gotten beyond that when we started trusting each other with our secrets.

"If you love me, and want to stay with me, this 'as long as it's best for you' stuff has got to stop." I spoke as earnestly as I could, holding his gaze intently. "It means you hold all the cards, and the ultimate decision over you and me belongs to you only. You've left yourself an out. How am I supposed to take you seriously that you love me if that's hanging over my head?"

Edward absorbed that silently, then nodded. "What would you have me do?"

"You can respect my concerns, and talk to me about what's bothering you. This is a partnership, and we continue because we both want it. If we continue, I have to be an equal participant. I'm not so foolish to think things will always be perfect between us, but it means we try to work things through. If something happens that bothers us, we talk to each other.

"Maybe it wouldn't have made any difference if we'd talked, and you still would have left. But you didn't even give me a chance. You didn't give _us_ a chance. You just did what you thought was best and look where that got us! I feel like you just gave up on us, and it was easier to run, than to try."

I took a breath, and steadied myself, then placed my hand along his cheek, brushing his cheek bone softly. He turned and pressed a soft kiss into my palm. "I need to know that, when the going gets rough, you won't run away from me. And I need to know that you won't make decisions that affect me, without my say so. If you love me, I don't think that's a lot to ask."

Finally coming to a close, I gazed into his eyes, expectantly. Nervously, I took my bottom lip between my teeth, waiting for his response.

Edward seemed to study the patterns on the blanket for a time before he addressed me. "You're right, love, that was wrong of me, and I'm sorry I acted that way. It won't be easy, you know. The instinct to protect our mates is almost on par with the hunting instinct. I automatically shy away from anything that might be dangerous to you."

He placed his hand along my face, and I automatically rubbed my cheek against his palm. Edward kissed me on the tip of my nose before continuing. "Do you remember the argument I had with my family before we started dating? Right after Tyler almost killed you with his van?"

I shook my head.

"I almost got into a fight with Jasper."

My eyes widened with my surprise. On the night of my birthday party, while Jasper had been struggling to get free, he hadn't really attempted to strike or hurt any of his siblings. I didn't want to think of what might happen in a real fight. "Really? Not an argument, but a physical fight?"

Edward nodded. "It almost came to that. At the time he saw you as a threat to Alice's safety. He was ready to kill you to protect her, and I wasn't about to let him harm you."

"What happened?"

"Alice stepped in and told Jasper she'd be very annoyed with him if he killed you. She already knew you were going to be best friends."

"Good thing."

"Yes, but my point is, we'll do almost anything to protect our mates. Even though it would have been wrong to kill you, a complete innocent, Jasper was ready to do it. Likewise, because of that bond, I'll do anything to protect you."

"I understand that, and if you think about it, I'd do the same for you. Just don't use it as justification to do something without my knowledge, even if it is for my own good. That's all I'm asking."

Edward's other hand was busy caressing my thumb where it protruded from the cast. "You shouldn't have to ask me for something that's only right to do. And I'm thinking at this point, no promise I can make is good enough to atone for my misdeeds. Only over time, will I be able to show you that I mean what I say. But as long as you will give me that chance, I will make good on this promise. I'll never leave you again, and I promise to treat you as an equal partner."

I smiled when he finally spoke the words I wanted to hear. "Thank you," I breathed, happy to gain his acceptance. I reached up, pulled his face down towards me, and lost myself in his kiss again. Unfortunately, my broken cheek had other ideas, and I pulled my head away when I could no longer ignore its protests.

"Ow," I winced.

"What is it, love?" The concern in his eyes was for me, and the thought of that set my heart singing now.

I placed my hand against his chest to reassure him. "I can't kiss you enough, but it makes my cheek hurt when I move a certain way," I pouted. That motion, at least, didn't aggravate my injury.

"Ah." He grinned, greatly amused. "Well, don't move then. Let me do the work."

He lowered his head again, and I did my best to resist following the intoxicating dance of his lips on mine. After a while, I couldn't help myself, and let the tip of my tongue peek out shyly to graze his gently moving lips. He tasted just as good as I remembered, and before long my heart was pounding in my ears, my breathing growing labored. The only remaining drawback was my broken hand, because the cast was rather awkward when I tried to pull him closer.

When Edward finally pulled back a little to let me breathe, we stayed like that for a long time – him leaning on the bed with his face close to mine, the two of us drinking in the sight of each other and basking in the glow of finally being together again. My chest, which had once seemed cold and dead, carved out in its entirety, now blazed with warmth, singing with energy and lightness.

Edward traced the outlines of my face with his index finger and solemnly remarked, "I thought I'd never see your face again." Then he laughed. "And after all this time, I only get to see part of it."

I laughed too, a little self-consciously. "We meet on a hospital bed too often." Though it was pointless, I pushed aside the hair on the un-bandaged side of my face. Edward's eyes followed the movement, then he frowned. He pointed at the cut I had received from falling off the motorcycle.

"This isn't from last night," he observed.

"No, I got it about a week ago."

"What happened?"

I looked away for a moment, while another flush crept up my neck. Of course, he noticed.

"What's embarrassing about getting a cut on your head?" His voice remained velvet-smooth, but was rather puzzled.

I briefly considered lying about it, but felt that would be the wrong way to start our new, equal-partner relationship. And Edward should know what kind of girl he had saddled himself with. "I, um, fell off a motorcycle," I said as my face flamed again.

Edward's eyes widened. "Who was driving it?"

"Me."

I didn't think he could look more surprised, but he did. "_You_ were riding a motorcycle?" His voice rose slightly.

"Yes, but not very well." I gave a nervous laugh, trying to distract him.

Edward snorted. "Obviously. What possessed you to do that? A motorcycle isn't exactly practical in Forks. Is something wrong with your truck?"

"No, nothing's wrong with it, I just–" I sighed, and resigned myself to the truth. "You're going to think I'm nuts."

Edward instantly smoothed out his expression to one of concerned interest. "No, I won't. Tell me, love."

A whisper of his sweet breath momentarily addled me, and I put it out there. "Well, I did it so I could hear your voice."

I was impressed that he didn't react, and merely continued in a concerned voice, albeit a little confused. "You heard my voice while riding motorcycles?"

"Well, it wasn't just motorcycles – that was just one way to get there. You see, I wanted to remember everything about you – the way you looked and acted, what we had done together, and all the things you had ever said to me – but it hurt too much when I would try to think of them.

"Then somehow, I found that when I was under an element of danger, with the adrenaline going, your voice would come to me, like you were still protecting me, and you still cared. It didn't hurt when I heard your voice that way, so I kept trying to find ways to bring that back."

Edward absorbed that silently, then spoke very deliberately, "You were risking your life to hear my voice?"

I shrugged helplessly, and nodded. "It was all I had left of you," I whispered.

He took a breath, closed his eyes, then he collapsed forward, burying his face in my chest with a sound like a sob. "I am so, so sorry," his muffled voice resonated against my chest and I lay my hand on the back of his head, making shushing noises and trying to soothe him.

Then he raised his sorrowful face to me. "My poor angel. I am so sorry for all you've been through."

"Hey, it's okay. It's over now and we're together again. That's all that matters."

He nodded fervently and gazed deeply into my eyes. "Yes, it is, thank goodness. If I ever needed an indication that you feel the bond as strongly as I do, that would be it."

I breathed a mental sigh of relief. "You don't think I'm crazy?"

"No. I think traumatized is more accurate. The mind does many things to protect itself when injured."

His eyes were still haunted, and I wanted to soothe him. He should know it wasn't a big deal to me. "Anyway, you wanted to know how I got that, and that's the story."

"So, how did you stumble on this? I thought I asked you not to do anything reckless or foolish. Adrenaline sports don't exactly qualify." Edward's voice was a little disapproving, so he seemed to have pulled out of it a little bit.

"I know, but you also said it would be like you had never existed, and there was no way you could keep that promise the minute you made it. For you to never exist would mean I would have to go back to that girl who never met you in biology class. Just by meeting you, I've been changed as much as you were."

"So you bought a motorcycle."

"Salvaged, actually. The Marks family was getting rid of two old bikes, so I took them."

He looked at me dubiously. "I don't remember mechanical skills being among your many talents. Dowling's must have been expensive."

"Nope, couldn't afford Dowling. Jake helped me find parts and he rebuilt them."

"Jake? You mean, Jacob Black?"

"Yeah, you remember him, right?"

"The boy that came to see you at the prom. His father is a Quileute elder." Of course he would remember, it was silly of me to ask.

I nodded. "He's kind of my best friend. Pretty good mechanic, too."

"Do you still feel the need to ride your motorcycle?" I briefly thought Edward might be jealous of Jacob, but fortunately, he was more concerned with my safety.

"As long as you're with me, I have no reason to. So that's one less thing you have to worry about."

He seemed to accept that. "And we won't have to worry about living without each other either."

"Not right now we don't, but eventually we'll have to consider it."

Edward's jaw muscles clenched in determination. "No, I swear I'll never leave you again."

"_You_ might not, but one day, I _will_."

His jaw suddenly dropped open, then he blurted out, "What do you mean? I thought you could feel the bond as strongly as I do."

"Not that way." I tapped my chest with a finger. "Still human, remember?"

"Oh." The frown was back on his face. "This issue, again."

"It's not going to go away, and it's the one elephant left in the room between us. I can still be hurt, and I can still die."

"Don't remind me."

I shook my head at him. "You can hide from it all you want, but it's true."

"Yes, I know it's true. However, if you don't mind, I'd rather not discuss that with you at the moment."

I opened my mouth to object, but he placed his fingers on my lips.

"Forgive me if I'm being a little selfish, but I'm still feeling rather giddy that you've agreed to take me back. I'd rather not spoil that feeling with rancorous words, just now. I promise we'll discuss this – as equal partners – just, not right now. Please?"

He gazed at me with those eyes of his, and I felt my spine begin to liquefy. I barely managed to nod my head; I realized I was enjoying our reunion too much to want to spoil it with arguing. We had some time. Even though I was, in one way, a year older than he, we were both still teenagers. We definitely had some time.

Edward smiled and brought my hands, one after the other, to his lips, placing soft kisses on the knuckles of one hand, and the thumb sticking out of my cast. I giggled at his old, courtly gesture.

"That's nice, but do you know what I'd really like?"

"What's that?"

I patted the bed next to me. "Come here, please?"

He waggled his eyebrows at me, an outrageous imitation of Emmett. "The nursing staff would never approve."

I suddenly found myself wanting to see Edward's mountain of a brother, as well as Carlisle and Esme. Heck, even Rosalie, if that meant the family was back in town. But I put that aside for later. I, too, could be selfish, and I wanted more Edward time.

"I'm pretty sure you can hear them coming. Come here." I patted the bed again.

Edward smiled that lopsided grin that soon had my insides melting along with my spine. "Your wish, my command."

Edward lowered the railing, gently shifted me over, and settled down next to me. I snuggled into his chest and, as his arms closed around me, for the first time in a long time, I felt absolutely at peace, and happy beyond words.

= = O = o = P = =

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_And **that**, ladies and gentlemen, was where I had originally planned to end it for the contest. Not exactly going to fit in 15K words, eh? Thank you so much for reading! There will be more! :-)_


	6. Chapter 6: Visiting Hours

_**A/N**: Thanks very much to everybody for favoriting, alerting and reviewing this story. Your support is very much appreciated and makes the writing worthwhile!_

_Big, BIG thank you to _**katmom**_ for judicious application of beta mojo. This MWAH's for you!_

_**Disclaimer**: All Twilight characters and situations are property of Stephenie Meyer. We're just playing in her dollhouse. No copyright infringement is intended._

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><p><span>Chapter 6 – Visiting Hours<span>

After our long, tumultuous reunion, I was mentally exhausted. I melted into the bed, luxuriating in the feel of Edward's arms around me, his fingers slowly warming up in mine as I half-dozed. Somewhere along the line, Edward switched on the TV, and the droning of a travel show, plus the pain medication, put me fully under, for once blissfully free of nightmares.

Sometime later, the touch of cool lips on mine roused me, and I cracked my eye open to see Edward's smiling face.

"Wake up, love."

I blinked a few times, trying to come to full awareness. His hair was clean, and his eyes were more serene, the haggard look now soothed away. The scent of clean clothes came to my nostrils, and I glanced down to notice Edward was wearing a fresh, cream-colored polo shirt and a clean pair of jeans. My statue of Adonis had been restored to his former glory.

I must have been asleep for quite a while, and had to clear my throat a couple times before I could speak clearly. "You changed."

"Alice insisted, and brought me some clothes." Edward chuckled, rather ruefully. "I availed myself of the shower you have here."

I ran my fingers into his still-damp hair, pulled him close and took a long inhalation along his cheek. "Mmm, you do smell nice."

Edward's happy smile reached up from his mouth to crinkle the corners of his eyes. "That's my line." He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on each corner of my mouth, before settling in for a long, languid glide of his cool lips on mine. Though I still had to be careful with my kissing motion, before long I was fully awake, and ready to jump out of bed, if I could.

Another low chuckle rumbled in Edward's chest. "That's very nice, but you have some visitors coming," he whispered.

"Who is it?" I mumbled against his lips.

"Sam Uley and Jacob Black."

I was definitely awake, now. At my surprised expression, Edward raised a curious eyebrow. "Is there something I should know about the young Mr. Black?"

Mentally cursing my inability to control my face, I tried to compose myself. "Not really. You know he's the oldest friend I have in Forks, right?"

"Yes."

It was bound to come up sooner or later, but it wasn't like I had cheated on Edward or anything like that. Honesty was the best policy, but I still found myself focusing on the hollow of his throat where the open collar dipped. "We hung out a lot while you were gone. He helped me through…a lot of stuff."

"Then I'm glad he was here for you." I peeked up and couldn't be sure, but Edward's expression seemed to cloud over for a moment, before it became neutral again. "He seems very eager to see you. Should I be concerned about his intentions?"

Jacob's name had come up earlier, and Edward had let it slide at the time. I suppose he was preoccupied with thoughts of my safety. It was a little surprising to me that he could be insecure like any other boy. "I can't speak for what he thinks, because he's never said anything about having feelings for me. But I can tell you that I don't have those kinds of feelings for him."

I molded my hand to his cheek and brushed the corner of his mouth with my thumb. "I went crazy over _you_. Nobody could ever take your place, so that's one thing you absolutely don't have to worry about. Jacob is like my kid brother."

Edward chuckled, somewhat ruefully. "I've never been jealous over anyone but you. I'll try to keep my instincts under control." He glanced at me through his lashes. "Is he a werewolf?"

I frowned briefly. "No, he's not. Did Alice tell you about them?"

"Actually, Sam and Jared arrived at the parking lot shortly after you passed out. Sam had never met me before, so I needed to talk very fast to convince him we weren't there to harm you. Fortunately we were in the process of destroying Victoria. Once Jasper showed Sam her head, he had to believe us.

"At any rate, they're about to come through the door…" Edward paused dramatically with a finger in the air, then pointed it. "Now," he finished. Sure enough, there was a knock.

Uselessly straightening the blanket about me, I called to them to come in. The door was pushed open, and Jacob entered first, carrying a small bouquet of purple and white wildflowers. Sam followed after, dressed in flannel work shirt and jeans. Jake was dressed in a similar fashion, but with a jacket as an additional layer.

"Hey, Bella!" Jake smiled, cheerily. "We brought you something, hoped it might cheer you up."

"You didn't have to do that, Jake." I flushed slightly, and hurried to make introductions. "Jake, you know Edward, right? And Edward, this is Sam Uley. Sam, Edward."

"We've met," Sam remarked, his voice calm and deep.

Jake reached over warily to shake Edward's hand, but Sam remained near the door, opting to nod and slightly raise his hand in greeting. Sam seemed to be having a little trouble breathing, and his nose was wrinkled, as if against a bad odor. Reaching out, I took the flowers from Jake's hand and sniffed them. The lupine and mountain lily were delicately fragrant, but not overpowering.

"These smell nice, thanks, Jake." I looked around the room. "Hmm, I don't have a vase. Edward, could you stick these in that pitcher of water over there?"

"Certainly." Edward smoothly rose to comply.

"How you feeling, Bells?" Jake gave Edward a furtive glance before he spoke to me again. "Charlie told Billy about the truck accident," he said carefully.

I looked around at Edward, then at Sam, and realized they already knew the whole story. There was no reason for Jake to watch what he said. "It's all right, Jake. You can talk. Everybody here knows what really happened."

Jacob shrugged and jumped right in. "Okay, so what happened last night? I left you safe at home with Charlie. All Embry could tell me was you got a call, freaked out, and told them to go protect Charlie."

I sighed at my stupidity for believing Victoria, then remembered the other casualties of the struggle. I felt a little guilty I hadn't thought of them sooner. "Are Paul and Embry okay? Are they here at the hospital too?"

Sam took a short, quick breath and answered, "Yeah, they're okay, but they're not in the hospital. They'll be ready to go on patrol pretty soon."

"You can't make them patrol, they were on fire!" I exclaimed, incredulous. "I saw it! And she kicked them completely out of the parking lot! They must've been hurt!"

Sam gave a thin smile and, looking deliberately at Edward, said, "We heal very quickly, even from burns and broken bones. It would take far more than that to kill a werewolf."

"Oh, well, that's a relief," I sighed. "I feel bad that they got hurt trying to protect me."

"Thank you for the thought, but they're fine."

"Okay, okay," Jacob interrupted. "Now tell me what happened. Why'd you go off to the trailhead at night?"

I rolled my eyes at Jake's impatience, but answered him. "After you left, Victoria called me. She got my information from the school's records, and she knew where Renee lived, as well as me and Charlie. She said she had made another vampire, and he was going to kill Charlie when he went to go investigate a homicide last night. She was going to hunt down Renee. But if I went to meet her instead, she'd leave them alone."

Jake snorted in disbelief. "And you believed her?"

I held up my hand helplessly. "Hey, I had no way to know she was lying. And she swore if I didn't do what she asked, she wouldn't stop coming after Charlie, even after she killed me."

"So you'll commit suicide for Charlie if somebody lies convincingly to you?" Jacob's incredulous voice rose, and he goggled at me.

"Tell me about it." Edward spoke for the first time. "The same thing happened in Phoenix, last year, only the animal fooled Bella into thinking he had her mother."

"Was that when you ran away from home?" Jacob's eyebrows looked like they were climbing to the top of his head.

"I wasn't running away from home," I said with some annoyance. "We were running from Victoria's mate, James, who wanted to kill me. Anyway, after Embry left to tell Sam what was going on, I went to meet her. Embry and Paul attacked her, but she fought them off, and then came after me. I blacked out at some point because that's all I know until I woke up here."

"At least she won't be bothering you anymore," Edward's quiet voice soothed me, and he reached over and gave my hand a squeeze.

"Thank goodness for that." I returned the squeeze, then turned my gaze on Sam. "Anyway, you'll thank Embry and Paul for me, won't you?"

"No thanks needed, Bella. We're just sorry you got hurt." Sam cleared his throat. "That brings me to another reason I had to come today."

"Oh? What's that?" I asked.

"This concerns him, and his family." Sam indicated Edward with a flick of his head.

"Yes? What is it?" Edward answered. I kept quiet, fairly sure that Edward had already picked it out of Sam's mind. But he was making Sam say it out loud.

"The tribe is wondering what your intentions are. Will your family be returning to Forks?" Sam's deep, calm voice filled the room, as he stepped into the role of tribal spokesman.

Edward gazed back, his golden eyes unflinching, and answered just as calmly. "Yes, that is the plan. I had assumed that our treaty is still in effect? Port Angeles is neutral ground, so we can both be here."

"The treaty is still good. The boundaries are the same as well as the rest of it." Sam pointed at me before continuing. "And what are your intentions towards Bella?"

Edward shifted in his chair, but kept his voice even. "I can't see how that is any business of yours."

Sam mulled that over for a moment. "It looks like the two of you are…involved. It may trigger one part of the treaty, depending on the direction of your…relationship."

"Ah. I see." Edward held Sam's gaze while he thought over his answer. "Then you should know that I intend to stay with Bella for as long as she'll have me."

"No matter how long that will be?"

"Absolutely."

"As a human?"

Edward's eyes flicked at me so fast I almost missed it. "That is my intent, as well"

"Fair enough. Just remember that biting a human is the same as taking a life, do you understand that?"

Edward sighed. "I'm well aware of that."

I was confused at first, then it dawned on me what they were talking about, and how that related to me. Or to my future. "Wait, Sam. What happens if they bite someone?"

Sam's stern gaze shifted to me. "Then the treaty is broken. We're free to drive them from our land."

"What if somebody wants them to?" I couldn't help it, and just blurted it out.

Edward tried to cut me off. "Bella–"

"It doesn't matter," Sam broke in, ignoring Edward. "If they bite someone, that person is as good as dead."

I stared and felt the flush starting up my neck as I realized I had another obstacle in my way besides Edward's stubborn insistence on keeping me human. "You're damn right it matters!" I cried. "If it's my life then I should get to choose, right?"

Edward smoothly tried to intercede. "Bella, maybe this isn't the best time to discuss that. Sam was just reminding us of all aspects of the treaty. Right, Sam?"

Sam, who had been frowning at me in confusion from my outburst, refocused on the conversation. "That's right. We don't want there to be any misunderstandings."

I glared, all around. This was probably not the right time to try to re-negotiate an old treaty, especially with Edward squarely in favor of keeping the status quo. I'd have to work on him first. "All right. But this isn't finished, buster. Not by a long shot."

Edward had the decency to smile and nod at me before talking to Sam again. "Thank you for the reminder. We will keep your stipulation in mind. Was there anything else?"

"That's all I came to say."

Edward cleared his throat briefly. "All right, then let me say one thing."

Sam raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, waiting. "Go ahead."

Leaning forward, Edward spoke earnestly. "Thank you. Thank you for keeping Bella safe while I was gone. I owe you a debt I can never repay." He turned to Jacob. "You were quite brave, to face an immortal with only a knife."

Jacob started, surprise all over his face. "How did you know?"

"Bella told me." Edward's smile was as smooth as his voice.

Jake shrugged. "No big. I did what I had to do."

"Nevertheless, you have my gratitude. While I don't plan to be far from her side, I'm glad to know that there are others with Bella's welfare in mind. If there is anything I can do to help you or the tribe, just ask."

Sam grunted. "Just remember what I said about Bella." He reached out and tapped Jake on the shoulder. "You ready to go?"

I caught Jake taking a long look at Edward and me. "Not just yet," he replied. "Sam, do you mind if I talk with Bella for a moment?"

"Sure. I'll wait at the car." Sam turned, opened the door, and left the room, almost too quickly, I thought.

Jacob looked over at Edward for a moment. "Um–"

Edward raised an eyebrow in response. "Would you like me to give you two a moment?"

Jake was taken aback, and blinked in surprise. "Sure, if that's okay."

I was surprised also, considering Edward's confession of jealousy. But he reached out and twined his fingers through mine, and I was momentarily distracted by that tingle that always seemed to run up my arm when he touched me. He gave me a reassuring smile, then got up to leave.

After the door closed, I smiled at Jacob. "What's up, Jake?"

Jacob poked the cast on my arm, his eyes doing a quick inventory of my injuries. "Man, you really should have stayed home last night."

I snorted, and answered a little defensively. "How was I to know? It's not like I've got a vampire lie detector or something."

"Yeah, but next time, at least talk with somebody before you go do something life-threatening, okay?"

I couldn't help it, and began giggling. "Next time?"

Jake joined in my laughter. "Hey, you're the one going around pissing off vampires!" he chortled.

"Laurent wasn't pissed off, he was just hungry!"

Jake rolled his eyes at me. "Whatever, like that makes a difference?"

"Well, Victoria's the last one that I know of with a grudge, so I should be good for now."

"We should be so lucky." Jake took a deep breath, and fidgeted a little in his seat. "Well, I, um– I guess he's back, now, huh?"

I couldn't help the happy expression that spread across my face as I thought about it. "Edward? Yeah, that's what I'm hoping."

Jake stared into my eyes for a while, then blinked and looked down. He took a visible breath that moved his shoulders and nodded. "You know, when I realized what he was, at first I couldn't believe you'd want to be with something like—with him."

Not liking how he said that, I frowned a bit. "I told you how I felt about him."

"Yeah, I know." He seemed a little sad, but then scratched his forehead with the back of his cast and I couldn't be sure. "I see you weren't kidding about that. You might think this is none of my business either, but you're my friend. I just wanted to be sure you know what you're doing, and I'm pretty sure you won't talk to Charlie about this."

"Of course, I know what I'm doing. I've always been safe with him."

Suddenly his eyes were intent upon me again, not angry, but not happy about it either. "That's not what I mean. You started to go off when Sam started talking about…biting humans. Are you seriously thinking about…him…biting you?"

Seeing his attitude about the subject, I dropped my eyes to the blanket. "I have thought about it once or twice," I said slowly.

The heart monitor beeped into the silence as Jacob sat speechless. "Really? Do you know what that means?"

"Yeah, why do you think I've thought about it?"

Jake gave a disgusted snort. "This isn't the same as getting a tattoo, or changing your religion, Bells. You won't be human anymore, and there's no coming back from that. You'll be the walking dead, and you'll have to kill people to survive, is that what you want?"

I winced as he struck one of the reservations I still had keeping me human. I said in a small voice, "I'm not planning on killing people. I'll live Edward and Carlisle's way."

"Yeah, but you and I both know what they're able to do. What if you can't control yourself, and end up killing somebody anyway? Is being with this…guy…worth that risk?"

I didn't like thinking of that possibility, and it shook my resolve just for a moment. My own life, my own sacrifices, that was perfectly acceptable to me. But if someone else were to somehow pay for my choices, that would be horrible. I had to take a few breaths to bring back my determination.

"Jake…I just got him back. I'm just starting to feel happy again, and I'm not going to question being with him. I'm only just beginning to believe that he's really back. So don't throw a wet blanket on me right now, okay?" I didn't see the need to inform him on just how tightly bonded Edward and I were. That might just freak him out.

Jake sighed and fell silent for a while before shrugging and changing the subject. "Yeah, well, you know he doesn't deserve you, right?"

I was starting to get tired of Charlie and Jake warning me off Edward, and my tone grew irritated. "Jake–"

"No, let me finish," Jake broke in. "You went through hell because of him. I know a couple girls on the reservation that would have found a new guy in a couple weeks. That Mike Newton guy was just waiting for you to rebound to him, but you never did. He doesn't deserve your loyalty. Tell me honestly, does he make you happy?"

"Have you been talking to Charlie?" I accused.

"No."

"Then I'll tell you the same thing I told him. You have to trust me. This is my life and if I'm going to mess up, I'm going to mess up. But I'm giving Edward another chance, and that's all you need to know about it. He makes me happy. Can't you just be happy for me?"

"Too bad you _don't_ have that vampire lie-detector," Jacob's voice trailed off, and he sat, pensive, before continuing. "Well, as long as you're happy. I want you to know something, though. He may be bigger than I am, and stronger than I am, but I've got a lot of big brothers, if you know what I mean. And I'm sure he can't take all of them, so if he ever hurts you like that again, I'm going to make sure they come after him."

I barked a short laugh. "I guess that's sweet, in a Neanderthal-ish, kinda way. I appreciate the thought, but it won't be necessary."

Jake grimaced instead of laughing, then scratched at the thumb that protruded from his cast. "So, do you want your motorcycle?"

"No, way! Charlie still doesn't know. Just keep it down there, and we'll ride when I get better."

Jacob's voice grew gloomy. "Yeah, well, it doesn't matter now. I know you won't be coming down to the Rez to hang out anymore."

"What do you mean? I'm not going anywhere."

"Face it, anytime one of my buddies has gotten a girlfriend, he becomes 'Mr. Boyfriend'. After that we don't see him too much until they break up. I mean, I get it, it's the way things are. Just…just don't forget who your friends are, okay?"

He had a good point. Last summer I had spent every waking moment I could in Edward's company. The only time I didn't was when I was working, or Edward was away hunting. "I won't forget. But you know that Edward's not allowed to come down to the Rez. The treaty, you know?"

"Yeah, but you don't have to be joined at the hip like Siamese twins, do you? Why can't you come down to visit?"

To be honest, it was too soon to even contemplate spending time away from Edward, when I'd just gotten him back. "Listen, isn't it a little early to plan visits?" I wiggled my foot in its cast. "I'm not likely going to be able to drive anywhere for a while, so why don't we think about that when I can walk or drive again?"

Jacob made a resigned shrug. He still didn't seem that happy. "Okay. Give me a call when you get better. We'll figure something out when you're back on your feet."

Jake stood and pulled on his jacket. "I'll let you get some rest, Bells. Billy will be happy to know you're okay. Seeya."

"Seeya," I echoed, and gave him a little wave.

Pushing the chair back, he walked slowly to the door. But before he could touch the handle, a knock sounded, the door opened and Edward entered.

"Sorry, I just came to tell Bella that the nurse is coming to check her dressings."

"Oh, I was just leaving," Jacob replied.

Edward stopped Jake with a touch on his elbow. "Um, Jacob?"

Jake paused, a raised eyebrow the only indication of his surprise. "Yeah?"

"If I know the treatment regimen, it may be a couple months until Bella gets out of her casts. Once out, she's going to be in physical therapy for a while. She might like your company to break up the tedium sometimes. Would you be available to visit, now and then?"

Jake gave me a confused glance, his expression still rather wary. "Yeah, sure. That would be cool."

Edward's face was open and friendly. "Excellent. We'll give you a call." He held out his hand again, which Jacob took and slowly shook.

"I'll see you soon, Bells." A thoroughly confused Jacob looked over his shoulder at me as the door closed behind him.

Edward beamed at me, and I could almost feel the warmth penetrating me from the radiance of that smile. He quietly sat in the closest chair and took my hand, opened his mouth, then stopped. Someone else knocked on the door.

"Come in," Edward called. He seemed to have a rather amused expression, and I could see there was something he wanted to tell me.

The door swung wide, and an efficient, moderately stocky nurse bustled in, pulling a rolling tray after her. She had short, brown hair that was shot with grey, and a friendly smile on her face. Several bundles of pale blue cloth lay on top of the tray.

"I'm Nurse Cable," she announced, rather cheerily. "How are you feeling today?"

"Okay," I admitted. I still had pain from the broken bones, bumps and lacerations, but didn't see the need to elaborate. Emotionally, I was so much better, my physical ills faded in comparison.

"Good! Well, I'm going to change your dressings and take a look at your sutures, all right?" She positioned the tray close by the bed, and began unfolding the bundles, revealing scissors, packages of gauze, cotton swabs, and sachets of ointment. She selected a pair of scissors, stepped over to the bed, and began cutting through the bandages on my head. I gave a slight wince at the cold touch of the metal.

Before long, she had removed the bandages covering my eye, carefully pulled off the gauze, but cautioned me to wait for a moment before opening my eye. Wetting a cotton swab with some clear solution, she gently dabbed at my eye, removing the crusties that had formed from being closed so long. On her okay, I fluttered my eye open, and sat blinking for a while, getting used to having two eyes again.

"Better?" She smiled, her apple cheeks rounding.

"Mm-hmm."

Lastly, she removed the gauze covering the side of my face. The exposure to air felt surprisingly good, so I wondered how long I had been out for it to feel such relief.

Nurse Cable frowned as she examined my cheek. She touched one spot with a very gentle fingertip.

"Do you feel any burning, or tightness?" she asked.

"It hurts when I move my face a certain way, but I thought that was just the fracture."

She pursed her lips and nodded. "That's to be expected. You do have some swelling, but that will eventually go down. There doesn't seem to be any sign of infection so that's good."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward's expression go dark – guilt and anger warring with each other – only to be wiped away to calm innocence when he saw me focus on him. I returned my attention to the nurse, wondering what she had been thinking to get that reaction.

Nurse Cable began working again, chatting amiably as she applied an ointment to my face, covered it with gauze, and finished it with an adhesive bandage that, thankfully didn't cover my eye.

"Nice to have two eyes again, isn't it?"

"Mm-hmm."

Nurse Cable smiled and began packing up her equipment and used supplies. "The doctor will be in to check you, soon. If everything looks good, you might be able to go home today!"

"That would be great," I agreed.

"Thank you, nurse," Edward said, with that warm smile of his. Nurse Cable's smile faltered for a second, then she excused herself and took her rolling tray with her.

Edward settled back into the chair, and reached out to touch the other side of my face with cool fingers, that trembled slightly. "Finally, I get to see all of you. I've waited so long." Edward's whisper was very intense, and made my breath catch in my throat.

I grasped his wrist, and pressed a kiss into his palm. "I feel like I've waited forever to see you, too. Now and then I think I'm going to wake up and you won't be here again." I couldn't help the quaver that touched my voice as I said that.

"Shh." Edward lay his fingertips against my lips. "I'll be here. I swear it." Then a fleeting smirk drifted across his face. "And I've read your chart. You won't be mobile for a while, either."

Thinking about my last experience at convalescence, I groaned. It had been a fairly long and tedious process. Then I was reminded that Edward had invited Jacob to visit during my recovery. "Hey, what were you thinking after Jake left?"

Edward settled back into the chair, but kept hold of my hand. He watched my face as he spoke. "Well, I was thinking that Jacob Black seems to be a decent fellow."

I blinked, not expecting that comment. "You were listening, weren't you?"

Edward chuckled, unashamed. "Sorry, love. I was curious."

Surprisingly curious myself, I didn't call him on it. "So…what did you hear that makes you think he's a good guy? I mean, _I_ think so, but you've hardly talked to him."

"As I expected, he does have a slight crush on you. I expected nothing less from a teenage boy." Edward cocked his head, his expression serene, and not the least bit threatened.

"Oh." My face fell and I could feel my neck heat a little. If I was going to need to fend him off like Mike, that might become a bit awkward, later.

"What surprised me is he's putting your happiness first. I expected to hear jealousy when he thought about me, but his thought was, 'if that bloodsucker makes her happy, who am I to judge?' He's still suspicious, but he seems willing to give me the benefit of the doubt. I think that's rather decent of him, especially since the legends he's heard all his life paint a horror story of vampires."

I could feel the divot forming between my eyebrows, my surprise was so great, and my respect for Jacob rose a few notches. He was such a good guy, I hoped he'd find somebody nice someday.

"So, you were serious about him visiting." It was more declaration than a question. Edward, too, was quite a guy.

"Wouldn't you like that?"

I nodded.

"Then, absolutely. I'm not sure what Sam or the elders would think about that, but if they don't object, I certainly don't mind." He ended with his lopsided grin, then reached out and ruffled my hair, before smoothing it back down.

"Wow," I sighed, as my heart misbehaved. His widening smile told me he knew the effect he had on me. He was such a cheater.

I felt a further lightening of my spirit. It hadn't been a very large worry, but once Edward had come back, some things Jacob had said in the past weeks made me wonder if there might be problems between the two of them. If what Edward said about Jake were true, perhaps we wouldn't have to deal with that kind of drama.

Last year – at about this time, ironically – I was also in a cast, and recovering from various injuries. At times it seemed my convalescence would never end, and the frustrations boiled over. But Alice had let my swings in mood blow past, a gentle, knowing smile on her face. She defused my occasional fits of bad temper with a calm demeanor and, as needed, blunt commentary. If I was in for more of the same recovery experience, the last thing I needed to deal with was a jealous Jacob, waiting on the fringes trying to steal me away from Edward.

Contented warmth seeped over me, and I settled in to wait for the doctor and whatever he had in store. My parents were safe, Victoria was dead, I held Edward's hand securely within my own, and he had no problems with Jacob being my friend. I was still a mess of broken bones, cuts and bruises, but at this moment, with all we'd been through, I'd take it.

= = O = o = P = =

* * *

><p><em>To be continued...<em>

_Not the Ed and Jake show you were expecting? He's not The Dog anymore. Let me know what you think!_ :-)


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